In search of something to write about this evening I put on my wetsuit and began to surf the internetz. While hitting some of my favorite news sites I came across some stories that peaked my interest.
The first news story hits close to home as Danny Williams finally broke his silence about his heart surgery. Danny told our local news station that he found out months ago that he had to have surgery on his heart months ago and he knew he'd take heat over leaving the province. And take the heat he did, as he travelled to Miami, Florida to have his surgery, apparently cause all the Dominican Republic doctors were busy. I have no ill will toward our premier's decision to have surgery else where, whatever makes him healthy, but at least lie and say he's in Iowa in minus degree weather instead of resting in his Florida condo. Williams went on to say that he felt great, and that he had the heart of a forty year old man, which coincidentally leads to the second story I found.
Police in Miami were working overtime trying to stop a man on a rampage throughout the streets yesterday. The man, identified as Chet Chelios, who bore a startling resemblance to actor Jason Statham apparently told reporters that somebody had stole his heart and that he was going to do anything he could to get it back. Police officers commented that they had a hard time capturing the man, saying that "just when it seems he was slowing down enough to catch him, it's like he would CRANK his adrenaline up to eleven and he was gone again."
****An update to the previous story, apparently Danny Williams has said he suddenly feels much better and is on his way home quicker then expected.*******
In other news, the head of the Canadian Olympic Committee dropped a bombshell yesterday by admitting that Canada would not finish first in the medal standings in the Vancouver Olympics. Jaws dropped slightly and the chairman was bombarded with angry questions such as "Why don't you tell us something we don't know?" and "What happened to my pen?" asked by one reporter who apparently was so shocked by this statement he dropped his pen. The chairman went on to say that they had not anticipated such strong performances from America, Korea, and some of the European countries, apparently because he was born after the last Olympics and had never seen any of the previous Winter games. He went on to say they would review their policies after the games and if the Winter Olympics ever come back to Canada, they would do things differently, the USA and other strong countries will not be invited, leaving our main competition as Kazakhstan and Jamaica.
Finally, the last story I found was the tragic tale of Star Trek actor Walter Koening, whose boner has apparently gone missing. Koening's boner, which famously starred in Growing Pains, was last seen on Valentine's day, a hard day for a boner to disappear, leaving his wife especially upset. Thus far people have given police the shaft when it comes to any clues, in an act of desperation they have called in John Bobbit, thinking that the disappearance of Koening's boner may be linked to the the missing Bobbit jr. Alan Thicke was reached for comment, and I forgot to write down what he said, but rest assured it was hilarious. Kirk Cameron was also reached, and said he had fond memories of boner and they were quite close, a revelation that shockingly surprised few.
Well there you have it, it's up to you to decide whether these stories are true or false, but one thing is for sure, they may or may not have happened. Actually three of these stories are based on fact, just twisted around for my entertainment without any regard for facts or truth, I'm like Nancy Grace, only more attractive.
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