Have a Heart

The big news coming out of Newfoundland this week is that our fearless leader Danny Williams is travelling to the United States for heart surgery. I have only caught the gist of the story, and since anybody can report the real facts I'm gonna explain to you what I think the details are. Apparently Mr. Williams is having surgery tomorrow, it was supposed to be sooner but he got delayed at customs, you see when the guard asked if he had anything to declare, Mr. Williams said "Only that I have a bad ticker" which the guard took to mean that he had a bomb, so he was then taken away and detained for questioning. From what I have picked up over the local news they have no idea of any of the fifty states, as all they say is that Williams is travelling to the United States, so I guess this means that the whole country is working on him, and hey they do need jobs down there, so way to go Danny for stimulating the American economy.

There is a fair bit of outrage over the fact that Danny Williams chose to go to America for the surgery. I want to come out and tell everyone that it wasn't his first choice, Mr. Williams had in fact wanted to travel to a place called Oz, where he heard that there was a man there that could give him a new heart, but after some calls were made the premier found out that heart had already been given to another man. I'm sure many doctors across the province feel slighted that our premier would rather travel to another country then be operated on by them, reporters tried to speak to doctors but the waiting times were too long, leaving them stranded in the emergency room for hours on end. Besides, Mr. Williams has been pretty outspoken about the rest of Canada so maybe he doesn't trust other doctors, or maybe he doesn't trust Stephen Harper, the man is prime minister he can get to any doctor he wants.

Personally I think Danny Williams wanted to tell us he was cheating on our healthcare system with America, he just didn't have the heart to(see what I did there). It had to be a tough decision, but I say you gotta go where you think your gonna get the best care, go where your heart takes you as it were. Mr. Williams always seemed in pretty good shape so it surprised a lot of folks when this news happened, how could this have happened so fast? Maybe Danny caught a glimpse of that mysterious UFO over Harbour Mille, maybe he heard that he donated a million dollars to Haiti when all he mean't was to donate 100 dollars, or maybe it was Paul McCartney getting revenge for their Larry King argument. I for one never trusted him, he always was the most untrustworthy Beatle, he probably had Lennon killed for all we know.

I just want to wish Danny Williams luck in his surgery, I'm sure he needs well wishes more then he needs criticism right now. If going to America makes him better then so be it, it worked for the Winnipeg Jets and the Quebec Nordiques didn't it, I mean the Avalanche won the cup, and the coyotes, well good for you for being somewhere warm. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get ready for my doctor's appoinment tomorrow, where did I leave that passport.