The Chicken Hero Saga: Season 2 Chapter1: Irish there was a better way

   As the sun poured in through his window the Chicken Hero started to stir from his deep sleep, he had had quite the nap, seriously it felt like he had been asleep for months.  He had earned that sleep for it had been a tumultuous few months, he had gotten a thesaurus and learned words like tumultuous, he had saved the townsfolk numerous times all the while keeping them fed with the chickens from the chicken harvest.  It had seemed like an eternity since he De-rected the Deboner, he had heard the rumors of an escape, and he really should have checked on it but he was never one to follow up on things.  Besides, he had become a little bit of a celebrity, whenever he walked through the village he stood out like the one Mexican worker in a group who was actually working, why he was even given a plastic card which allowed him to make purchases and never have to pay them back, yes just like that little card everywhere he went the interest was high.

   He arrived at the harvest to begin his tasks for the day. Things had changed in the harvest, times were busier then they had ever been due to an apparent building error in the village that left all new homes built with out fire pits.  A lot of the same faces were still there, along with some new ones, such as Andrunus, son of Bogeyus, whose fondness for a popular songstress and hobby of mailing letters made with letters from town announcement clippings were an odd combination, yet he said it was merely a coincidence. Still present were Andrewus, who was still trying to figure out the Chicken Hero's insults from months prior, Joshias, who suffered a personal setback when a surgery to reduce his ears from the affects of gigantism was botched and somehow his ears grew even larger. There was Marias, who tremendously celebrated her 1000th birthday the month prior.  It took fire crews from four surrounding villages to put out the fire from the candles on the cake, but it was one hell of a party.

  Today was the day of delivery at the harvest, three times a week the chicken wagon would arrive from the killing fields to be prepared at the harvest, but something was wrong today, the wagon had not shown up at it's scheduled time. If no chickens were delivered, then no chickens could be prepared, if no chickens could be prepared then no townsfolk could eat, and that would be chaos.  As Petrus the ever resourceful manager of the harvest scrambled(which is what he did best) to find chicken, the Chicken Hero volunteered to travel to the killing fields to find out what happened.  He made a quick stop to check in on his gallant steed.........his dog Bear(which had proven to have better results then when he had a bear named dog) and set out to find the delay in the chicken wagon, little did he know that he would find more then he bargained for.

  Upon his arrival at the killing fields he noticed there was a lot less killing going on, the chickens were upright and walking, not laying down and stacked in a pile like usual, but what if they were dead? What if something had brought them back? Could it be? some breed of zombie chicken, it appeared they were walking funny and kind of spaced out, like some of members of the harvest kitchen staff when they came back from there long breaks. "What the hell is going on here?" he asked himself, "I'll tell you" came a voice from behind, and just the Hero turned and saw..........someone he'd never seen before. His thick Irish accent gave away that he wasn't from around here, "my name is Sam, Sam O'Nella and I'm your worst nightmare." "Actually my worst nightmare is dolphins" replied the Chicken Hero. "Ay for far too long I've searched for a way.........wait..........dolphins you say." "Yeah............dolphins..........I have my reasons", but that was  a story for another time, right now he needed to know why this guy was here, and what he was all about.

  "Listen Sam or whatever your name is, you can try and come in here and be all mysterious but the old Chicken Hero is pretty fast on the uptake, I can tell by your accent your Irish, so that means your probably drunk right now and looking to fight, and if that's what your here for let's dance..............well not literally dance, that would be weird............NOT that dancing with another man is weird I mean it's fine if that's who you are I just find dancing in general weird with the sweaty hands and the.........." "ENOUGH" shouted the Irishman which surprised the Chicken Hero, usually his mild stereotypical and inane ramblings served as a distraction for him to take out his foe, but this man was not phased in the least.  "Do you know anything about Irish history Mr. Hero?" "I know there were a lot of potatoes, and then there wasn't." "That's right, then there wasn't, hard times hit my people Mr. Hero, sure I wasn't around then, but tales are forever told about the hardships my people endured." "So what does this have to do with the price of tea in China?" The Hero had taken to saying that in case somebody somewhere asked his opinion on the price of tea in China, for the record he thought it was scandalous.

  Sam O'Nella didn't look at you so much as look through you, at 6 ft 11 he was a giant of a man, and his fiery red had was indicative of his Irishness and  no souledness. " I came to this land Mr. Hero, and when I arrived and got a hot meal was at your harvest, and you know what I saw there, hmmm do ya now? I saw bags upon bags of potatoes, stacked as high as heaven itself, and all the stories of hardship came rushing back, all the rough times my family went through cause they couldn't have potatoes and here you are, HERE YOU ARE, with more potatoes then can be counted, how is that fair?" "Well for starters, the potato famine was a long time ago and I'm pretty sure you have potatoes now." "You want to crack jokes do ya fella, you won't be laughing when I wipe out your chicken stock, then your people will know how it feels." "And just how to you plan on wiping out all these chickens?" The Hero was often surprised just how easy it was to get the villain to answer by asking their plans directly. "It's simple Mr. Hero, I inject them with this" just then he produced a syringe filled with some mysterious fluid "This is a formula that will make it impossible to cook chickens to the proper tempature, they will forever be too pink for the people to eat, it also works as a hypnotic, even if the chicken did cook, the people will think it is too pink and convince themselves they are sick."

  The Hero looked and the Evil Irishman, "you forgot to factor in one thing.........me" and with that he charged but something was holding him back, or rather someone was holding him back. He found himself locked in the arms of a building of a human being, he had a head the size of a bowling ball, and arms the size of two bowling balls, being clasped by this monster of a man made it hard to think of comparisons. "I see you met my Russian henchman Necoli, while you are busy with him I have some chickens to poison, good luck fella." "Oh great, a Russian" he thought " another angry drunk." He fought and struggled but it was getting him no where, his strength was no match for the walking testosterone, but he knew he could outsmart him, with that he screamed as loud as he could "HEY LOOK AT THAT BOTTLE OF VODKA OVER THERE" The Kremlin with hair immediately dropped him and looked hurriedly around, the Chicken Hero pulled out his trusty, new and improved extra strength chicken string and wrapped him up from head to toe.  The hero knew time was of the essence, his speed and grace matched that of the deer he that was in his backyard a week ago(and that was in his stomach the next day). He reached the killing fields but he was still too far away, in the distance he could see Sam O'Nella getting ready to inject the poison, he was left with no choice, scooping down I picked up a chicken and with a mighty heave that would have made his brother Robbieus proud he nailed O'Nella right in the head. "Who said chickens couldn't fly"

  After the Hero led the two bound chicken assassins to the prison and made sure they were secured, he returned to the killing fields to make sure the chicken wagon would make it to the harvest now.  He was proud of himself on the journey home, another heroic deed done and another day over, just then he was approached by too similar looking girls, twins he deduced, he was taken aback at their request for an autograph, and that they had heard a lot about him, he thought he knew all the townsfolk, but what the hell surely give a simple autograph would be no harm, until the pen mysteriously opened and that mist came out, as he fell to the ground he thought too things, "Well this ain't good" and

  "To be continued"