Ah the majestic bear, for hundreds of years they have asserted their dominance, tremendously fast for their size, great catchers of fish, bringers of fear for hikers, in fact the only thing bears can't do is win a Superbowl. As of today bears can add a new quality to their resume, protector of weed crops. Mounties in British Columbia who went into the woods the other day couldn't believe their eyes, for in the trees where nobody sees, they were not playing hide and seek as long as they please, and this was no teddy bear's picnic, what the Mounties stumbled on was a huge crop of marijuana plants that were apparently being guarded by black bears.
Mounties in B.C. were reportedly given a tip that there was a huge crop of marijuana in the woods just southwest of Calgary; however, what the informant somehow forget to mention was that the weed growers HAD SURROUNDED THE PLACE WITH BEARS....ahem.... sorry but I think this ruins the informants chances of getting any money from Crime Stoppers. Officers were surprised at how tame the bears seemed to be until they clued in on the fact that hey, they were probably fed some of the weed to keep them calm, no doubt the first bit was free, but gradually the price went up. You know now that I think about it, is feeding the bears marijuana really a good plan? I mean I'm no expert, I've never touched the stuff, but I know it gives you a severe case of the munchies, so do you really want to be around a hungry bear?
The Mounties, much like most NHL teams, had no trouble getting past the bruins, and investigating the crop, some of the bears were even quite helpful. A few of the bears mentioned that they had seen a blond haired girl roaming around, and that they even thought she had been sleeping in their beds and eating their porridge. One bear mentioned that the owners of the crop were nice people but they could be harsh, he went on to say that he was suspended without pay once because and I quote "I was gonna go to work, but then I got high."
When I read this news story it made me shake my head, it's crazy what lengths some people will go too. It is a story that is really too crazy to make up, of course who is to say that the Mounties never got into the stash, I mean I once chased an imaginary midget for 2 miles after taking an Advil so after a couple of joints, who knows, maybe some bears that weren't there a minute ago randomly pop out. The bears were taken away from the area, and sadly it seems they may have to be put down, cause have you ever seen a bear go through withdrawals, I haven't, but something tells me it would be terrifying yet hilarious. Some of the bears accepted their fate, and were able to grin and bear it, while others could bear-ly contain themselves. Just let this be a lesson to the rest of you pot growers thinking of using bears as security, you may think it's a great plan but it's a total polar opposite of that, there will be many black days ahead, and if found out, the results could be quite grizzly.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Things in my childhood that have been ruined with age: Super Mario Kart
Today while on the internet I was feeling a little bored so I went to Google and began looking for what most guys look for when they are bored on the internet........that being sites that will allow you to play.........old super Nintendo games for free. It was on this trek that I discovered the crown jewel, one of my most favorite games of all time, Super Mario Kart. I am not here to bash this game, for it will always hold a special place for me, but as with most things age and "wisdom" have given me perspective on some of the things that occur in the game, and some of the things it might have taught us children. I still love video games today but there is something magical about them when you are a kid, the joys of passing that impossible level, the marvel at your cat like reflexes, the screams.................of your father to turn that off before it ruined the picture on the television, this was truly the golden age.
However, while rekindling this old flame with Mario Kart I started to look at things differently, and memories started to come back. The more I played and the more I thought of it, I'm pretty sure that this is the game that led to my brother Bill's(visit his blog, it's quality reading, and it has grammar and stuff) road rage and video game issues. Now I have been in the car with my brother, and he is in fact a fine driver, but he like most good drivers, like to lament at how many rubes in today's society are allowed to drive, and there tends to be some four letter lamenting. I can't help but wonder if the objects you could hurl at your opponents in the game were real how it would resolve road rage, cause let's face it, sometimes you just gotta throw something.
Actually the throwing of objects is one of the many unsafe things featured in this game. The game is laden with such dangers as banana peels, oil slicks(that don't kill any animals looking at you BP) giant mud patches, and the most dangerous of them all, a woman driver......okay okay I kid I kid................she's on a go kart she can't do that much damage, but if you look closer I swear you can see her putting on her make-up while driving. That, if your counting, is reason number 1,45o why I'm still single, but anywho, the game allows you to travel at break neck speeds, some levels provide no safety railings which allow you to plummet to earth like Tiger Woods golf game, and gives you no chance to slow down before becoming a wreck, much like Lindsay Lohan.
The game puts you under immense pressure, the way the music amps up on the final lap, which brings out the desire to crush your opponent like a bug. You can employ strategies, like the placing of a turtle shell or a banana peel to wipe out your competitors, but that could come back to haunt you if you stick something in the wrong place, once again much like Tiger Woods.
Oh who am I kidding, I still love this game, not since the time I kicked those kindergarten kids off the playground have i felt so good about asserting my dominance, still undefeated on the beach course baby, as Johnny Drama would say on Viking Quest.....VICTORY.
****Disclaimer**** no animals were hurt in my playing of Mario Kart, besides that one stupid mole who wouldn't get off my kart until I fell in the water, they got me out in time but I'm pretty sure he drowned, let that be a lesson to the rest of you moles
However, while rekindling this old flame with Mario Kart I started to look at things differently, and memories started to come back. The more I played and the more I thought of it, I'm pretty sure that this is the game that led to my brother Bill's(visit his blog, it's quality reading, and it has grammar and stuff) road rage and video game issues. Now I have been in the car with my brother, and he is in fact a fine driver, but he like most good drivers, like to lament at how many rubes in today's society are allowed to drive, and there tends to be some four letter lamenting. I can't help but wonder if the objects you could hurl at your opponents in the game were real how it would resolve road rage, cause let's face it, sometimes you just gotta throw something.
Actually the throwing of objects is one of the many unsafe things featured in this game. The game is laden with such dangers as banana peels, oil slicks(that don't kill any animals looking at you BP) giant mud patches, and the most dangerous of them all, a woman driver......okay okay I kid I kid................she's on a go kart she can't do that much damage, but if you look closer I swear you can see her putting on her make-up while driving. That, if your counting, is reason number 1,45o why I'm still single, but anywho, the game allows you to travel at break neck speeds, some levels provide no safety railings which allow you to plummet to earth like Tiger Woods golf game, and gives you no chance to slow down before becoming a wreck, much like Lindsay Lohan.
The game puts you under immense pressure, the way the music amps up on the final lap, which brings out the desire to crush your opponent like a bug. You can employ strategies, like the placing of a turtle shell or a banana peel to wipe out your competitors, but that could come back to haunt you if you stick something in the wrong place, once again much like Tiger Woods.
Oh who am I kidding, I still love this game, not since the time I kicked those kindergarten kids off the playground have i felt so good about asserting my dominance, still undefeated on the beach course baby, as Johnny Drama would say on Viking Quest.....VICTORY.
****Disclaimer**** no animals were hurt in my playing of Mario Kart, besides that one stupid mole who wouldn't get off my kart until I fell in the water, they got me out in time but I'm pretty sure he drowned, let that be a lesson to the rest of you moles
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