It has been over a month since the earthquake in Haiti, and recently God decided he wasn't finished toying with them and unleashed a plague of locusts. The locusts in question are the muscians who came together to re-record "We are the World" to raise money for the ravaged island, and boy what a piece of work this is. That is not to say the original was perfect, sure it had better pure singers, but it also had Bruce Springsteen singing like he was constipated and Cyndi Lauper......well I really don't know what she was doing. The song debuted during the Winter Olympic games and as soon as that British kid started singing the whole thing went downhill faster than a Georgian luger, it's a tie which one was more painful to watch. There were some good parts, such as the spliced in original footage of Micheal Jackson, however not shown was the footage of MJ rolling in his grave at what followed for the rest of the song.
I have to wonder how much proceeds Haiti is actually going to see because this was an expensive video. I bet your thinking that you have seen more expensive videos, this doesn't look that bad but think about it, they had the corpse of Tony Bennett, though I think they cut costs by bringing in Enrique Iglesias, why pay money for Ricky Martin when Erique will probably work for food at this point. Actually I'm told half the money goes to rebuilding Haiti, the rest goes to rebuilding Iglesias' career. They also saved money by having Jamie Foxx do his impression of Ray Charles in the first version, if only Ray could have seen it, of course if only he could have seen it then I suppose.
I give them credit though, whenever something happens to one of the loser countries of the world celebrities are always there to step in and lend a hand. There was the American group for Africa, followed by the Canadian singers for Africa, and what a white group of people these were, though if memory serves we did not get black people till the 90's. There was the lesser known metal version, Starz, sung for kids I believe, and if you've seen the video these are men who look like they'd do anything to....for kids. I'm sure it doesn't hurt their willingness to contribute when tax time comes around and they can claim it as a charitable donation. Strangely missing from the video was George Clooney, who organized the big telethon for Haiti, I guess he figures he's done his part, but really the man should never stop paying for almost killing the Batman franchise.
Also missing was Bono, though I hear there was no stable to put his high horse in so he wouldn't come down off it. I think I saw rapper Lil Wayne though, I thought he was in jail, what could he possibly donate, a carton of cigarettes. I still can't believe they started off with that Bieber kid, what did he just learn about Haiti in his grade five geography class and decided he wanted to take part. Looking further I see Miley Cyrus, which I guess is why R. Kelly wasn't there, though I'm sure there were a long line of guys getting in line for a chance to steal her innocence, too bad Billy Ray already did that, I mean by putting her in the business at such a young age, get your mind out of the gutter, but seriously he probably wants to plow her too. And what in the name of Jeebus H. Christmas was Wyclef Jean doing, he's probably the only there who gives half a crap but that screeching was painful, more painful then when Celine Dion was singing.
So while Haiti continues being Fred Flinstone, you know surrounded by Rubble and picking up the Pebbles, the celebrities have succeeded in not only making money for Haiti but diverting attention from their cause as well. Seriously who is going to cover Haiti's recovery effort when a bunch of stars were all involved in a trainwreck.
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