Flame On

One of the hottest topics(pun intended, c'mon its my blog you know the pun is intended) of the Olympics is just who is gonna light the Olympic flame to kick off the games this Friday. Acting as the Bic lighter is a big responsibility, the person will be seen by millions of people all over the world and will be the person who lets the game begins, I know I couldn't do it, I don't have the nerves, plus after a little incident at my restaurant I'm not really allowed to have anything to do with fire anymore. I just want to take some time now and look at a few of the possibilites and explain why they would not be a good idea, and then reveal who I think should be the one to kick off the festivities.

*Stephen Harper- This is an obvious choice, he is the leader of our country so why shouldn't he be the one to kick off the games, well it turns out he kept wanting to porogue the ceremonies, so the IOC decided to go with someone else.

*Micheal J. Fox- he stole our hearts as Alec P. Keaton, and continued to entertain in Spin City so why shouldn't he have a chance to light the flame. While I trust Fox to give me hours of enjoyment on television, I don't necessarily trust him to hold things, especially things that are on fire, I mean the last thing British Columbia needs is another forrest fire, and well what if he drops it and the snow melts. They had to truck that snow in, it would be a waste if the fire was dropped and all the snow melted, and what if it reached the Italian team, all that greasy hair would no doubt make the fire uncontrollable. On further inspection my views here may upset some people, what I need is a distraction, ladies and gentlemen mr. Conway Twitty:

Ok so that was supposed to be a video but I'm technologically impaired and couldn't get it to work, but I hey I forgot what I was talkin about, so you probably did too.

*Pamela Anderson- honestly any attempts to get that torch near her would end in disaster, cause if the implants didn't make her go up in flames, the various infections surely will, although I'm not sure even fire would burn off the remnants of Tommy Lee and Kid Rock.

*Rita McNeil- any attempts to get her to light the flame in practice only led to frustration and confusion. The frustration stemmed from the fact that she would use the torch to cook chicken, the confusion stemmed from where the hell she got the chicken in the first place.

So those are just a few of the possibilites, and why they wouldn't and couldn't possibly work as the people who light the flame. That is why for me there is only one possible option for the flame lighting, only one person who can guide the country through such an important event, and teach us something as well

*Fire Marshall Bill- there is nobody who is more concerned with fire safety then this man, so who would be more careful then him. Not only would he do an adequate job of kicking our games off right but he would teach the spectators a lesson or two and the dangers of fire and how we can avoid trouble. Plus if he catches himself on fire we can strap a pair of skis on him, send him down the hill and it's the first gold for Canada.

So there you have it, I hope your with me Canada, for if my choice comes true this could be the most entertaining opening ceremonies ever. If anybody from the IOC is reading this do the right thing, give us the fire marshall, and if Micheal J. Fox is reading this, I guess our relationship is on shaky ground right about now, crap I did it again.