I'm back again to review a movie that I will never see, and get out your pitchforks girls cause this time it's Twilight: New Moon. From what I have figured from commercials and conversations I hear at work, New Moon appears to be the tale of two girls, one who just happens to be a vampire. The female vampire played by Robert Pattinson disappears, and there's a werewolf or something, judging by appearances, the werewolf is played by the other lead female, Ashley Greene. That's right, New Moon sets out to not just ruin vampires, but werewolves as well, and while we are on the subject of werewolves, Teen Wolf, now that was a fine movie, with quality acting from Micheal J. Fox.
Now for some reason there are a lot of topless pale men in this movie, it was like watching a guess jeans commercial only a tad more gay, I mean if I didn't know any better, and I don't, I could swear it was filmed in San Francisco(not that there is anything wrong with that, from what I've seen San Francisco looks like a beautiful city). It appears in this movie the lead female vampire Pattinson wants to meet with a council or something and be given the right to die, which makes sense cause if I was vampire, and the only thing I could do was sparkle in daylight, i'd want to die too. Can you imagine how much teasing this vampire gets? I can just see Blade giving this vampire a huge wedgie, that's assuming he's out on a day pass from the jail he's in for tax evasion, was it tax evasion, or being too awesome to stay on the outside, I can't remember. I can also see Dracula harrassing this kid if he wasn't too busy being a real vampire, putting his face on cereal boxes, and ya know actually scaring people.
Before I finish this review I just wanna take a moment of silence for the all the guys who had to go see this movie unwillingly. I know for the price of $10 and a couple of testicles, you can keep your girlfriend happy, and it's just easier that way, but it is a big burden to carry. Also, to all the girls out there who can't decide if they are on Team Edward or Team Jacob, here's a tip, in real life werewolves and vampires do not exist, if they did the werewolves would only eat you; besides, they are only werewolves on a full moon, and that doesn't happen a lot, so really it'd be like "yeah I'm dating a werewolf, but it's on a couple of times a month". If you side with the vampires, well you can't go out in the daytime, they disintegrate, well the cool ones do, in this case your just dating Mr. Sparkle, might not have any powers, but he can get your dishes clean(Simpsons fans have my back on this one). So in conclusion, I just wanna say, that sure this seems to be a popular movie, as many people lined up for hours to see it, but many people lined up for hours for the H1N1 shot too, both are painful, but one is a waste of money.
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