No, not Tiger Woods this time but an actual honest to goodness tiger. While reading the news sites today I stumbled upon a story about a sixty-six year old man in Ontario who was killed by his pet tiger. The man has apparently had a bunch of exotic animals for years, despite the complaints of neighbours, apparently he had a soft spot for these animals, a soft spot which the tiger found quite delicious. What possible motive or motives could the tiger have for eating the man who for years kept this large cat enslaved? Obviously we cannot get inside the head of the tiger, well I guess the owner did but that was a pretty harsh way to get in there. Allow me to present you now some of the reasons why I think this tiger suddenly pulled a Siegfried and take a before dinner snack:
*Tiger Woods- ok I said I wasn't going to talk about him but the man has obviously given tigers all across the world a bad name. Maybe the tiger saw the repeated news coverage about his infidelities and felt ignored, so he lashed out on his owner, weeks of frustration and resentment towards the golfer unleashed in one big furry ball of fury. I guess there is not much of a difference between the two, because now both are in trouble for eating something they shouldn't have. Although I guess the ways of handling it are different, one tiger will surely be neutered to calm down, while the other one may be shipped off to a zoo somewhere or likely put down.
*The Bengals lost- here is an NFL team that adorns the color of the tiger, uses the name of a tiger but in their playoff game were truly not hat grrrrreat. I mean they lost to the Jets, and I know its the playoffs and any team can get hot, but the Bengals were one of the best teams all year and they fell faster then their teammate out of a moving truck. Perhaps the tiger was angry at being associated with losers, maybe the tiger had money on the Bengals, the report didn't say if the man's wallet or valuables had suddenly gone missing, but maybe the tiger robbed him too so he could pay off his debts.
*It's a tiger livin in freakin Ontario- I kinda wanted to save the obvious for last, but I know it's the first thing I thought of when I read this article. Apparently the man has had this tiger for a few years, that's at least 3 or 4 Canadian winters the tiger has had to deal with, so eventually it's gonna snap and not be able to take it anymore. I could be wrong but didn't Ontario have some snow lately, and with all of our soldiers busy there is no one to shovel snow, well maybe not the fine folks of the Saskatoon naval reserve, but they probably can't afford the trip to Ontario, as I can't see their budget being very high. Lord knows a banner weekend for the troops is a box of a dozen Tim Horton's doughnut instead of fighting over half a dozen, which they call their manuevers, anywho I digress. The tiger was most assuredly cold, probably lured the owner in for a snuggle for body heat, but you don't snuggle with tigers, you strap yourself in and feel the g's, or in this case teeth. I don't know if you could eat tigers, the animal activists would probably be all over you, but I do that that mixing tiger with harsh cold is a recipe for disaster.
I just want to end by giving a shoutout to the person who was able to take the tiger and lock it in a seperate part of the cage. I forget if it was a man or woman but here is an animal that probably was not calmed down yet, and they managed to take and push it away and lock it up. Surely this person has stones the size of bowling balls, of if it was a woman I'm sure they baked it some muffins or something(if your counting, that's reason number 101 why I'm single). Seeing a person ravaged like a buffet line with sumo wrestlers is something that cannot be that is easy to see, and yet to act quickly is quite brave and an alternative to my plan of running backwards away from the tiger. If you ask me the tiger's mistake was staying to admire it's work, it got cocky, obviously wanted to boast, it should have fled, went on the lamb, and then eaten that too. Of course this would have made the tiger even more hated, cause from my experience with the wait staff I work with, if there is anything people hate, it's a dine and dash.
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