As I write this the current date on your mortal calender is January 7th 2010. January is supposed to be time of rest for my restaurant, nobody is supposed to have any money left after Christmas, but this year thanks to the promotion our company ran during the wildly popular festive special nobody needs money to eat chicken. To celebrate 20 years of our loyal fanbase gorging themselves with chicken after chicken, fry after fry, our patrons were rewarded with a buy one get one free coupon that can be redeemed in January. The corporate suits thought this would be a good idea to get people in to our restuarant, a problem we have never really had in the past. Well the idea worked, as people have responded in droves, I think I used this analogy before but I swear it's like people told them that Jesus was back, and he had bread and fish for everyone.
It is seldom that in January you see line-ups hit so early and stay so long, as I escaped tonight there were still hordes of customers laying in wait, salivating over their oncoming feast. It is times like these that I want to throw a chicken leg into the crowd and start a riot, but I am a good company man so I do not. I am by no means a mathmatical genius but I can't see how our company is not losing money by giving away these coupons, I know it is bringing people in, and it's better then having somebody stand in the parking lot shooting a gun saying "get your chicken here." It took us two years to recover from that stunt and that's why I'm not allowed to particpate in meetings anymore. Maybe we could have taken the Oprah approach, and round everyone up and scream "AND YOU GET A CHICKEN! AND YOU GET A CHICKEN! AND YOU GET A CHICKEN!
It's not just that our guests love a deal, I mean who doesn't, it's that whenever people see the word free, they instantly turn into McGyver, figuring out what they can use to get the most stuff for free, or how they can get around all the loopholes that are in one place. I think I even saw one customer fashion a fishing line out of string and and ordinary paper clip to try and reel in a quarter white when they were told they couldn't get it on takeout. I know being busy is good, and it makes time go fast, and it keeps me employed, but just a break is all I ask, people could have at least waited a week or so before cashing these coupons in. I guess these coupons are flammable cause they were burning a hole in everyone's pocket.
I love chicken, after the cow it's the most delicious animal on earth, with an honorable mention going out to pigs but I don't think I could wait in line as long as some of these people do. Our chicken is great, but unless somebody is not telling me something I don't think there is a chicken shortage, so if you don't get it one day you will surely get it the next. Maybe for our next promotion we can do a little fear mongering, start a rumor that the chicken population is dwindling and that they have to act fast if they want it, I'm pretty sure some of our guests would take out second mortagages to get some of it, supply and demand is a powerful thing.
I said it before, it is good when business is good, it has allowed me all the shiny things I possess, but every now and then a break is good, I hear through the grapevine that a storm may be approaching so it could be coming soon. The coupons are no good on the weekends anyway so where was the snow when we needed it, curse you unseasonable warmth. So please come in, enjoy your free chicken, but know that the chicken you are eating probably had a family, somehwere there is an orphaned chicken left behind, let's see if your free chicken is so easy to swallow now.
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