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This coming weekend brings to us Easter, and much like Christmas the real reason behind Easter often gets overshadowed by marketing and delicious chocolate. Now I'm hardly the most religious person in the world, I haven't read the bible since I was in school and teachers tried to beat me over the head with it, and I mean that literally, some teachers tried to use it as a club. A more blasphemous person, who is definitely not me, would say that Easter is a time when Jesus went out and got hammered, slept it off for a couple of days, and came back stronger then ever on Sunday. However, the man did what many say they would do, but most likely wouldn't do and he died for something he believed in, but it seems these days that fact is negated by the dark cloud that hangs over Easter, the fuzzy menace that is the Easter Bunny.
I've often wondered who would win a fight between Jesus and the Easter Bunny. Of course me being a huge wrestling fan often pictures the promos leading up to this fight to be nothing short of epic, and I think they would sound something like this:
Interviewer: Well Jesus, we are just minutes away from your match with the Easter Bunny, what are your thoughts.
Jesus: You know these past weeks I've heard the comments from the fans out there, I hear what they are saying, Jesus Christ, Superstar, do you think you're what they say you are? Well tonight Easter Bunny I'm going to prove to you and the millions...........................and millions of my followers out there that I am who I say I am. You go around, Easter Bunny, laying chocolate eggs of deceit, and I have to ask, what do eggs have to do with Easter anyway, chickens lay eggs, I KNOW, my father created them for heaven's sakes. I've heard the Easter Bunny say I'm gonna need a miracle tonight, well that won't be necessary..... *holds up an object* I've got my lucky rabbit's foot*walks away*
Interviewer: Well there you have, strong words from Jesus, now lets go to my colleague to hear from the Easter Bunny.
Interviewer 2: Easter Bunny what are your thoughts on the comments from Jesus?
The Easter Bunny: Ya know I'm sick and tired of everybody talking about that guy, I mean the way they talk about him you'd swear he walked on water or somethin..........
Interviewer 2: ummmm he did.....
The Easter Bunny: SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK......Jesus you sit there and you preach about your psalms and your bible passages, well Bunny 3:16 says I'M GONNA WHIP YOUR BUTT. Have you ever seen Night of the Lepus Jesus? do you have any ideas of the evil that my species is capable of? I swear you can run but you can't hide, and I when I find you in that ring Jesus the results are gonna be the same as the last time your enemies found you. In just mere moments Jesus when I hop down that bunnytrail and I hit you with my rabbit punches not even your father will be able to help you. You say you have a lucky rabbit's foot, bring it, and bring all the miracles you can because tonight victory is gonna be just like all the chocolate I bring to people......sweet.
After these promos I picture a struggle of titanic proportions, featuring much bloodshed, weapons galore and Jesus eventually pulling a victory by a..............wait for it..........hare. So for the younger generation who might not know the real story of Easter and are just excited about the chocolate and gifts(when did gift giving become part of Easter anyway) and the torturous Easter Egg hunts, I say go and learn, it's a pretty cool story. If your like me and want to skip the bible route(talk about a preachy book) go and watch Jesus Christ Superstar, it has awesome guitar and you almost see boobs. Now if you'll excuse me it's time to locate some food *looks around* hey, a rice crispy Jesus, man I love Easter.
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