She was brought into my world yesterday, and I must say she is stunning. No, I'm not talking about a baby, the world is not ready for me to be a parent, I of course am talking about my brand new computer. The old computer, while doing mostly fine the last few days, was still suffering from the virus that overtook it, and while I could have gotten my sidekick the bearded one to look at it, lord knows I don't work that way, and enjoy wasting my money. So after shutting off the old computer for the last time it was off to Futureshop, I'm always amazed by the technology they have there, especially the technology that enables the staff to disappear whenever you need help. I found a computer that caught my eye, the shiny sparking HP Athlon II, it's much faster then I need, has much more space then I could ever use, which I assume means the hamster inside will have to run twice as hard to keep it powered.
With the computer picked out I brought it up to the desk to pay for it. While I like to think I'm a pretty strong guy, computers are heavy and they tend to get heavier when the cashier tends to ramble on to the customer ahead of me, and also proceeds to clumsily put his computer tower into a bag. Finally I was able to lay the computer down and pay for it, but not until I had to face an intense sales pitch about the Futureshop long term warranty. I felt I had spent enough on the computer so I didn't really want to get the warranty at that moment, so I asked if i could get it later, this seemed to anger the all too lonely woman behind the cash. Perhaps it reminded of her of all the guys who said they would call later but never did, perhaps she was upset cause she wouldn't get the commission, or that she didn't make the sale, cause boy she really wanted that sale. She kind of looked like the real estate agent Connie on the Simpsons, I kept expecting her to scream at her co-workers to "STAY OFF THE UPPER WEST SIDE."
With the computer now mine, we brought it home to set it up, and begin my new era of computating. Set up was a breeze, the bearded one just hooked up this thing into the other thing, and said the magic words, and I was ready to cruise down the internet highway once again. It was a little bit later I became worried as terrible sounds started coming from my computer, I breathed a sigh of relief as I discovered it was not the computer, but I was watching the video of American Idol from the night before. I don't want to say this year's contestants are weak but really if anybody unless that Crystal girl wins, we are gonna have another Taylor Hicks on our hands. Does anyone know what ever happened to him? I heard a rumor that he was eaten by Ruben Studdard, can anybody back that up?
Overall I'm very satisfied with my new computer, and Windows 7 (Revenge of the Gates!) seems pretty easy to use. I tried to claim it was my idea but two Microsoft flunkies beat the crap out of me, but they can't take the computer, I already peed on it to mark my territory so no one wants to go near it. I look forward to many years of virus free surfing, it comes with Norton(HEY NORRRTON) 2010 so I'm covered for a while anyway, it's powerful too, it even prevents against polio, that's right not even those guys on the horses with the clubs can't even hurt it. To my old computer I say that we had some good memories together, and while your going to have to go the way of Old Yeller it's nothing personal. It's just that your time was up, you were a shell of your former self, and I had to find something faster, and sleeker, and younger......hey I feel just like Jesse James when he confessed to Sandra Bullock.
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