Before I start I wanna make a correction to my last post, where I said it was a guy who made the Hurt Locker, turns out it was a woman, hmmm who knew, I guess I should've watched the movie. Women directors...what's next, giving them the right to vote(reason #97, article 2 of why I'm still single). With that out of the way I wanted to give my thoughts on the Oscars that occurred this past Sunday night. Since I have the attention span of a hummingbird it is hard to for me to sit through me things like this unless it's wrestling or mma where people are hurting each other for my entertainment, the only awards shows I can find like that are the Soul Train or BET awards. However I did make it through all of Titanic, but that's only because there was promise of Kate Winslet's boobs, I hoped there was going to be a repeat when she came out to present an award, but alas, the only boobs I saw were some of the people who accepted the awards.
There were some real surprising moments during the ceremony, I really thought Barbara Striesand got robbed for best special effects because how she talked without moving her face blew me away more then anything James Cameron did in Avatar. Another person that surprised me was Miley Cyrus, not only is she freakishly tall, but at what point did she start to sound like the Mike Myer's old Jewish woman character from Saturday Night Live, she was even verclempt and everything. I thought the In Memorium was thoughtful, and accurate, as I had forgotten Farah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, and Ricardo Montalban had died too. There is a lot of fuss over this, Roger Ebert just got his voice back and now the Academy has gone and left him speechless again. For some reason Micheal Jackson was included in there, but yet no love for Billy Mays, the Oxy-clean man, I bet all the clothes worn there that night had been oxy-cleaned at some point, it's only fitting they remember him.
As usual there were a few movies nominated that I hadn't heard of, everyone seemed to rave about the movie Precious and the lead actress Gaborey Cinnabun.....er Sidibe, and rightfully so cause I think she would have eaten them. I know I know, obesity is a major problem these days, and I'm not the smallest person in the world but I was totally expecting her to have a big old turkey leg in her mouth when they randomly cut to her, I mean honestly when they first showed her my first thought was to scream "OH CRAP, they got Jabba the Hut", no jabba de jabba osssscarrrrr. One thing that does stay the same every year is Ben Stiller's pathetic attempt to be funny, this year centered around Avatar. Everyone seemed to think he was blue because he was an Avatar, I just figured he was blue because he was trying to hard, better luck next year Bennie
So to end I just wanna say congratulations to all the winners, not just because you won but you managed to sit through that entire ceremony, hell I should have gotten an Oscar for it. Congratulations to Sandra Bullock for winning cause she has a convincing accent, congratulations to Jeff Daniels, just don't get a hold of Woody Harrelson's stash before you accept an award, wait who am I kiddin, that was totally his. It's a good thing there is no dope testing at the ceremonies is all I'm saying, I joke of course, I'm sure all the celebrities are clean, as a matter of fact I think the only dope I spotted was Colin Farrell, although too much exposure to him is harmful to your health, with side effects including raised levels of douchebagedness. And to James Cameron, sucks to be you man, 1o years of your life on your dream project, the highest grossing movie of all time, which beat out one of your own movies, only to see your oscar dreams ravished like a post oscar buffet in front of that Precious girl. However, you shouldn't worry James, you may have lost to your ex-wife, but you know where she lives, just pee in her air vent while she's out of the house, that'll teach her to bust yer tomaters.
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