It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

And it's not even December yet, ugh. The following rant excludes any members of my family here or abroad that have already decorated, or friends who have kids who already have their decorations up, u are exceptions, and it should cover my butt to say that. As I walk my street these days I notice that some houses are already in the festive spirit, and that's fine I guess, but why so early, by the time Christmas comes these days, you can't wait for it to be over. In my opinion Christmas begins when the turkey is on the table, and ends when your belt is loosened cause you can't eat anymore. These days it seems that people put up decorations as soon as the stores start decorating, "Honey, Walmart has their tree up, let's go get ours."
When I was younger we waited on pins and needles for Christmas, and I mean that literally, cause we had real trees, not these fake plastic ones you buy in the store; because until you've almost been hit by the tree that you decorate, it's not worth it, at least that's what my brother told me, as I was usually too busy watching cartoons. However, as I grew older I did go with my dad to get trees, fond memories of dad chopping a tree only to hear my mom yell from the window afar that it was not good enough, and too look for another. This all lasted until we found the perfect tree, which when we got down to the window, wasn't the perfect tree, and rinse, rather and repeat, but I digress.
I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I saw decorations the day after Halloween, I can see this from stores, they want to suck all the money out of you, but if they really wanna do that, make two sided decorations, on one side have a pumpkin, on the other side have Santa, then decorating can be rather simple. Perhaps I'm just more bitter towards Christmas these days cause I help to feed everyone, and these days it seems like everyone, that goes out Christmas shopping. I mean I'm hardly religious, but wasn't there something about a baby being born a long time ago, that Christmas was supposed to be about, maybe if they come out with a Tickle Me Jesus doll, some people will stop and think about that.
If all the decorations weren't enough, on the first day of November radio stations around here start airing their countdown to Christmas, in which they tell you every day how many weeks are left till Christmas. I mean really does it have to be every day, I mean I know they are probably pre-recorded, and it's the same everyday, but if one day passes it's still the same amount of weeks. If it were me doing those spots, I'd do a live one everyday and it would go something like this "Hi everybody, it's our countdown to Christmas, you
now have one less day then you did yesterday"
Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy some aspects of Christmas, the yearly boxes of turtles, the turkey, the family and all that, but like with most things the holiday is better in small doses. I mean logically, if you keep getting hit over the head with something, your gonna get tired of getting hit over the head with something, or you will lapse into a coma, whatever comes first. I mean Christmas is so commercial these days that it should be squeezed in between your favorite tv shows, unless you have tivo or dvr, or watch tv on the internet, if so then my point is lost. I guess this ends this poorly constructed rant, and by the way I am aware of the irony of me doing a rant about Christmas starting early a month before Christmas. I may have come off a bit negative here, so even if it is a bit early, I hope everyone has a merry xmas....... oh yeah the baby, Merry Christmas.

Dial M for Moose......and ummm another M for murder

Sweden, a land of beautiful supermodels, elite hockey players, and meatballs. For hundreds of years Sweden has been a neutral country, not really having any beef with anybody; apparently, somebody forgot to tell this to the moose. While surfing the internetz last night, I stumbled across a news article about a women who was found dead in the woods somewhere in Stockholm, and after arresting the husband and detaining him for 10 days they found evidence that it may have in fact been a moose. It appears traces of hair and saliva were found on the woman, that shows she may have been attacked, but what reasons would the moose have for attacking the innocent woman. Maybe the moose, a known herbivore, acquired a sudden taste for meat, like a vegetarian sometime craves a hamburger, just to see what they are missing. Perhaps the moose was low on funds and decided to turn to a life of crime, and mugged the older woman, or perhaps, as a co-worker mentioned to me, perhaps the moose just couldn't listen to the woman anymore. Maybe he moose was framed, set up by a three-legged bear, forcing him to go on the run, as I never saw that the moose had been captured, so he must of escaped.

I'm not sure if Sweden has the death penalty, but I assume if it did, the moose would face the full force of it, coming in front of the dreaded Swedish Executioner, the man pictured in the upper left, thats right, the Swedish Chef. The moose facing a Dexter-like cleaving at the hands of the Chef could be just the proper punishment for his attack on the victim. I get the feeling this is not the last we have heard of this story, as let's face it, Law and Order is pretty much out of ideas, so I assume we will see it ripped from the headlines in future episodes. Most people may think that the moose is a docile animal, the mighty majestic ungalet of the forrest, but given the chance, a moose would take out you, and everyone you care about.

Things in my childhood that have been ruined with age, Chapter 2

Well I got a ton of response for my last post, with a grand total of 1 comment. However, I also got an email from my favorite writer, one mr. Dean Koontz, his email read "Mr Martin, I will not tell you again, stop emailing and calling me, how did you even get my phone number, if you do not cease AND desist I will unleash the demons upon you, what you thought they were something I made up to sell books, oh no, they are real, and I control them." Wow, what a character he is. Anywho, chapter 2 of the the things in my childhood that have been ruined with age focuses on some of the kids shows that were part of my regular viewing. While these shows provided me with hours of free entertainment, time and perspective has shown me that not everything was right in their respective worlds, let's investigate shall we.

*Polka Dot Door- This was a show where 2 or more adults hung out in a house that was filled with puppets, I know what your thinking, that's pretty normal. However, this house, while looking ordinary, was no doubt a house of rampant drug use. Think about it, only the people in the house could hear the puppets talk, and for random periods of time one of the adults would just randomly disappear, no doubt wondering off in some drug induced hallucination. Speaking of hallucinations, the one adult who was left would often see some giant creature, who couldn't talk but would just make weird noises, this hallucination was called Polkaroo. The other adult would wonder why they never saw him, this was of course cause he didn't exist, or they were raiding the cupboard in some munchie induced hunger fit.

*Mr. Dressup- ah Mr. Dressup, such a kind old man, the ability to mesmerize a young child with song and his artistic skills. This mesmerization is why nobody bothered to wonder why he kept a young child and his dog locked up in a treehouse. Was Casey actually his son, he never called Mr. Dressup dad, was he some random kid Mr. Dressup randomly snatched away. Dressup was a master of deception, often hiding many costumes in his infamous tickle trunk, rumor has it that Casey spent many an hour in there after misbehaving. Years later must have tried to inform someone of his plight, as he and his beloved dog Finnigan just happened to disappear, and were replaced by some annyoing crow, who I'm sure knew that he could be dinner at any moment if he did wrong.

*Fred Penner's Place- Fred Penner, much like Mr. Dressup, was also gifted in song, and his ability to make crafts. However, while Mr. Dressup enjoyed a nice comfy home(all the better to trick people with) Fred Penner spent most of his time in seclusion, in the woods. Is it just me or is kind of strange that a middle age bearded man would wanna spend so much time in a secluded wood shelter. How much do we really know about Fred Penner really, what did he do when the cameras were off, did he make survivalist videos, was he apart of some kind of militia, maybe the unibomber they arrested wasn't the actual unibomber, just something to think about.

*Romper Room- all I'm gonna say is this, if I was peeking through glass, and saying I see Wally, or I see Britney, I'd be arrested, simple as that.

*Thomas the Tank Engine- Billy, please take Duncan out of the room for this one, these poor trains, made to travel long journies, carrying heavy lords by their pot-bellied leader, Mr. TopemHat, who bears a striking resemblance to Alfred Hitchcock. Sure these trains complained a lot, but really life was not all that glamourous on the island, many of trains may have had cancer, from the amount of coal they ingested, and were yet made to push on and on. Thankfully, despite the cancer and work demands, none of the trains were usually hurt.

Well that's all that I can think of for now, there's nothing I can say about Sesame Street that Dave Chappelle hasn't said already, or shows like Family Guy or the Simpsons haven't ruined already, so I'm just gonna say goodnight, and I hope I've made you all think.

Things in my childhood that have been ruined with age, Chapter 1

Hello readers, after a long busy night at work, I am sat here with a cup of tea, my favorite way to unwind and enjoy the quiet. However, I find myself reflecting to times gone by, times when I was a mere boy, full of innocence, and boyish spirit, this all eroded around the time my hairline started to recede. The times when I were a boy were fun, not a care in the world, manys a baseball game played in the backyard, or a hockey game played on the road, we didn't have hockey sticks back then, we had to cut down the tree, and whittle it into a hockey stick, and that's the way we liked it. Another part of my childhood I held fondly were cereal commercials, the larger then life figures that adorned the cereal boxes would always entertain me, but it wasn't until I got much older ( and lot more cynical and jaded) that I saw these figures, these childlike heroes, for what they were, lets discuss just a few of them shall we.

* Tony the Tiger- ahh tony, you were the ever charismatic tiger that graced the boxes of frosted flakes. How could we ever forget your catchphrase "They're grrrrrrrreat." Little did I know at the time that these attempts to get kids to try your cereal was nothing more then peer pressure. I guess when he wasn't trying to get kids hooked on this stuff, you could find him stood on a street corner selling little baggies of the stuff. His catchphrase should have been "Frosted flakes, all the cool kids are eating them", Frosted flakes are truly a gateway cereal.

*The Trix Rabbit-now this is not so much a knock on him, so much as the kids that were in the commercial, the young boy in me thought it was kind of funny that they kept taking the cereal from the rabbit, yet age and wisdom has shown me what was really happening, a horrific case of bullying. If once, just once, that poor rabbit was allowed to have cereal, to fit in, maybe there would be less bullies in the world. Instead, I bet the Trix Rabbit grew up to not trust people, and me a totally strict dad to his hundreds of kids, as he could control them, unlike his lack of control over the cereal.

*the Mini Wheats Mini Wheat- while growing up and even today I enjoy is musical ads, often more appealing then the cereal, I figured out something about the mini wheat, while he looks all smiles and sunshine, he is obviously bi-polar. Sure we see the happy side in the commercials, what he calls the frosted side, but this sugary coating is used for more then taste, it is used as a mask, a mask to cover up the anguish and fears that overwhelm the plain side of the mini wheat. I can pictue the mini wheat at home, drowning his sorrows in the bottle, wishing that he could get the help he needs for his disorder, not to be paraded on television because of it.

*Lucky, the Lucky Charms Elf- While he seemed easygoing and even magical, I can now look back with certainty and say that Lucky was actually quite selfish. Kids are taught from a young age to share, yet whenever they came for his lucky charms cereal, Lucky would always try to run away and keep the cereal for himself. Sure, in the end the kids usually got the cereal, but it was often by force, and not cause of any goodwill from Lucky. Years later it was believed he joined the IRA, and became like an irish William Wallace, "YOU CAN TAKE MY LUCKY CHARMS, BUT YA CAN NAY TAKE ME FREEDOM."

I could go on and on, the Captain Crunch Captain, nothing more then a nefarious sea pirate, Toucan Sam, "the nose always knows" yeah about your likely cocaine problem, Count Chocula, c'mon he was a freakin vampire. Needless to say, that's why I stick with Cheerios, the bee never hurt anyone, cause if he did sting anyone, he would die, and dead bees don't sell cereal.

my ongoing battle with weather

Well readers, since it's my day off, and I have no life to speak of, post number 2 for today comes your way. Not only does my day off bring another post, but it also brings rain, a fairly common occurrence on my days off, I guess mother nature thought this was easier then reaching down and kicking me in the nads. To set the record straight I have no problem with rain, helps in the devolopment of crops, gives kids hours of enjoyment jumping in puddles, and can actually be relaxful to walk in when it's warm. My only complaint is that it usually waits until my day of rest to come down at it's hardest, leaving me trapped inside left to my imagination, and that's never a good thing. Days like today are especially boring, with all my ps3 games finished, and my too short attention span leaving to not wanna watch movies I was forced to do something else, something drastic......I cleaned. As mentioned before, I work in a restaurant, so I like to keep things clean when I'm there, some may label me a neat freak, I prefer the term anal, mostly cause it makes me giggle. I tend to work a lot, herego I clean a lot, and during this busier time on my one day off, I don't really feel like cleaning, this of course leads to the dust mites building up so the size of a German army, and I am poor unsuspecting Poland, they come from out of nowhere and take over. Today I said enough was enough, and channeling Mr. Clean(I have the bald head already) I went to work, there was sweeping, there was scrubbing, there was washing dishes, and even some laundry, sure the apartment doesn't look immaculate but this is a bachelor pad, why if I didn't have a roomate I wouldn't even have pants. So while rain is not all bad (at least you don't have to shovel it) it makes me resort to doing responsible things, and that makes me feel dirty just thinking about it, I'm gonna go shower.

the story of American Thanksgiving, as told by my dad

Ah, American thanksgiving, a time of family, turkey, and football, a day when families come together, to laugh, share stories, and build up energy for the Black Friday sales that are coming the next day. Being that my dad is American, a part of him still keeps interest in the American thanksgiving, growing up I don't really remember celebrating either that one or the Canadian Thanksgiving. I always wondered why Canadian and American thanksgivings were on different days, was it a rare case where our pilgrams actually invaded somewhere first. I can't help but think that if it were today, American pilgrams would land first, and the Canadian pilgrams would arrive much later to maintain as a peace force. Also, before I get into the story, I should explain a bit about my dad, he is a good man, a great dad, made hard by the marines, made soft by life, and he has the tendency to swear at certain times. It can be endearing sometimes where he can fit a swear word where you would not think it possible, or as one of my brothers would say swear for a half hour without repeating himself, this is mostly around us, who's he comfortable with, he would not do among strangers. With all that out of the way, lets travel back in time to when I was a lad sitting on his knee, and gradually his ankle, hey I was big kid, I used to slip sometimes. I would watch the football games with my dad, cheering on the Giants if they played, or just watching whoever else, and I would ask my father about Thanksgiving, to which he would go into story mode.

"Well you see son, many years ago, a group called the Pilgrams, WHO COULD THROW A GOD@!&N BALL, arrived in this place, they called in Plymoth Rock, and AT LEAST THEY COULD GET SOMEWHERE, TRY GETTING IN THE F#@&*N ENDZONE YOU LOUSY MOTHER#@%^(!RS. When they landed they were greeted by a tribe of indians, AND UNLIKE THIS TEAM THEY COULD BEAT THE REDSKINS, YOU CAN'T GET A GOD@#N FIRST DOWN AGAINST THE REDSKINS. "

Ok, so this story never really happened exactly that way, but there were many good times sat around watching football, and while I didn't appreciate the game like I do know, I guess I'm always thankful for the time spent with my family, even if it was just plain ol thursday to us.

A farewell to Jeff's car

Today the apartment suffered a loss, as after almost two years, my roomate Jeff's car was towed away. Some of you readers may ask "Why? why did it take so long to move the car? Well a series of miscommunications with our landlady about getting the car towed, attempts to sell it gone awry, and also it was his first car, so there was sentimental value. Having never owned a car, I can't say as I know how it feels; however, my legs are my main source of transportation, and I would miss them if someone took them, so I guess that's about the same feeling. In later years, the car became a rusted shell of itself, and couldn't go like she used too, but there was some good there, always waiting for us when we got home, like an old dog who couldn't see anymore but knew you were there. Sure there were some defects, you might say "it had four flat tires, to which I'd say "well whats it the hurry, it will get there eventually." As mentioned before there were attempts to get rid of it, I tried to go the old yeller route, but when I heard the sirens I fled. While I'm sure some people will be glad to have their parking space back, you know who you are bearded one, I will miss how it always let me shovel snow on top of it after storms where there was no where to put anymore snow. Also, I will have other fond memories, like when Jeff had someone look at it, and during the sale process, the gas tank fell off; unfortunately, money had not changed hands before this happened. I will also miss the constant worrying of my landlady that one of the neighbourhood hooligans would set the car on fire. Now, all things considered I live on a pretty good street, the oldest kid I've seen is about 8, and usually if you buy them cigarettes they are fine (if any any law enforcement is reading this, that was a joke, I am not a monster). In closing, I wanna say that I'm disappointed by all the neighbours on my street who applauded while the car was being towed away, as with it went a piece of the apartment, and a piece of our driveway, no literally, I think the gas tank took a piece with it. I know Jeff will move on to bigger and better cars, and the old will enjoy retirement, being used for scrap metal and as a house for the occasional homeless person.

let's get to know to me, through song

When I started this blog, I recieved a comment from a cousin saying they loved the honesty of blogs, which was a shame really cause I was just going to fill it with blatant propaganda. I don't know how many people read this site, or if it's a ghost town, although the tumbleweeds are a bad sign, but I figure I should let readers know a bit more about me. In case no one picked up on it, I have an odd sense of humor, some friends call it lame, I prefer to think I make the jokes no one else will make, and it's rubbed off on them, I've more more people lame then polio. Since a simple life story is kinda boring, let's use some classic songs to describe certain parts of my life, ready, here goes.

* I did in fact used to live in a two room apartment, and at some points neighbours did knock on my wall, yes times were hard, but yet I don't knock it, although really I don't miss it much at all.

I remember when I left high school, and moved in to the big city of st. johns for university, I had never been to a school with so many people, one problem I had with it was:

*there were too many things, too many people, causing too many problems, with not much love to go round, can't ya see it's just a land of confusion.

Then of course there was the time that I had that Alien enounter, a good song about that is

*this part of fgms sancutuary is restricted, further access is prohibited, no such things as aliens exist.

......I don't know why that came up, I was only talking about Pepe, the foriegn exchange student, dear Pepsi was a great friend.



U CAN FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER.........oh wait, no you can't I don't have an account.

reee....cesss....iooon?

just sitting here as the weekend ends, unwinding after another satisfying pay-per-view, I enjoyed it as always, got my money's worth, yeah money let's talk about that for a minute. All the talk of the news media these days that doesn't deal with pig diseases is about how the global economy is in the crapper. They throw out buzzwords like "recession" "bankruptcy" and "oh my god sell your belongings and move to Peru, for six dollars a day you can live like a king." As usual, Newfoundland, tucked away like we are is seemingly the last to get this too; I know we are supposed to be a have province, what with the black gold, texas t. oil that is, but the amount of money I seen spent this weekend leads me to ask where is this recession. This weekend saw an influx of people to the restuarant where I work, I saw lines that were longer then when jesus fed people with only bread and fish. Friday in our little area of town was midnight madness, twenty percent off at most stores around us, and all it needed was james earl jones from field of dreams saying "if you drop the prices, they will come", and come they did, in bunches AND droves. One particular shopper ignored all traffic lights causing quite the accident at the intersection near our store, I believe no one was hurt, but ironically she seemed to lose about 20 percent of her car. Saturday, there were no sales, just regular everyday saturday, and yet they piled in, all the little ants were marching. Sunday started with a bang, ended with a whimper, a nice little cap on a weekend where we finished off more chickens then the bird flu. I guess I shouldn't complain, all these people spending money makes me money for which I can survive and buy shiny things, but a break is not coming until January, and much like the end of field of dreams I can see that endless line of traffic now, cause if we cook it, they will come.

I fear change

Not all change is bad, some change is quite good, the election of the first African American president was quite good, change that leads to a cappachino at Tim Horton's, very very good, but as we approach not just a new year but a new decade, while people can't wait to toss out the old and bring in the new, I find myself quite satisfied with the status quo. One of the many lines from tv that I spout in my daily life is from an episode of Family Guy when Stewie finds part of his wall missing and he is confused, screaming "I don't liiiike change." I find this works well at work, when we get new equipment, or new tools, that are different, just when I was quite comfortable with what we had, we get something others think is better, but not necessarily so. Society has changed a lot in my day, and while I'm 29 and probably too young to get away with saying this, in my day people were my carefree, and weren't as busy busy busy as they are now, or maybe cause I was younger and was too busy with my toys, toys I still have to this day, see, status quo. Another change I don't care for is how kids handle themselves today, this is not to tar them all with the same brush, as they are not all spawns of satan, but most teenagers I see going around today I can easily see knocking over a liquor store, it's a harsh judgement, and trust me I'm just a porch and and rocking chair away from shaking my fist and screaming that kids get a haircut, using such words as hippie,and ragamuffin. One of my favorite wrestlers of all time Owen Hart had a catchphrase "enough is enough and it's time for a change" but quite frankly he changed his gimmick to a super hero, and ended up falling during a botched stunt and died, so look what change led to there. Anyways, I'm gonna conclude this rant, and go for nice French Vanilla from Tim's, like I said, I don't mind some change, now where's that toonie, you stay classy internetz.

some thoughts before bedtime

Well my email has been lit up since my first post, tony from china was so excited and moved by most he gave me tips for enlarging a certain part of my body. The culinary institute of atlanta sent me an email saying I could be a chef today, and for some reason offered me drugs to enlarge a certain part of my body. Anyways, here's a few random thoughts that float through my head from time to time.

-is it racist that I made my white friend pick cotton out of a bottle of pepto bismol caplets

-if pigs are a fat animal, should customers at my restaurant complain if the ribs are too fatty

-if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, and a train leaves st. louis at 90km/h, is this why I was never a good math student.

These are just a few of the random things that float around in my brain, I hope none of you future readers will be scared by my thought patterns. Thats all the time I have for this post, you stay classy internetz.

An introduction

Well, since this is my first post I assume no one is gonna see it; hmmmm no one is around, I can do anything I want, I could walk around naked if I wanted. I will spare all you innocent people that and just introduce myself and give a little information about myself and what this domain of mine will feature. This is a blog of my random thoughts, which are quite random, maybe a tv show review or too, who knows. If you are a fan of grammar, then you may not like this area, for if you tell me I am not very good with punctuation, I will respond with "that's a lie, I am rarely late." Anyhow, let me tell you a little about myself, I was blessed with 3 parents, yes, you read that right, 3 parents. I grew up with a wonderful mom and dad who raised me the best they could, so who, you ask is the third parent, that would of course be television. Television helped me through the growing pains of life, showed me who's the boss, helped me to become a real family guy, taught me the facts of life, and other assorted tv show puns. To conclude my first post here, I'll just sum up by saying this is a domain for my various ponderings and musings of everyday life (is musings even a word, well it is now), a place for readers to question my sanity, as my friends do most every day, and a place to kick your heals up and relax, but it's a dry blog, no beer, ok beer, but you have to use a coaster.