Anyone remember the episode of Seinfeld where George repeatedly runs into trouble with pigeons and repeatedly states they had a deal with those pigeons? The deal was basically that they stay out of our way and we stay out of theirs, such as them not flying directly in front of cars, causing drivers to swerve, and in the case of George to injure a nearby squirrel. Until this morning I thought this deal applied to ducks as well, but then something happened, something that has turned my world upside down, and has thrown this deal out the window. I woke up early this morning to the sun shining brightly, and I had promised myself last night that if this was the cause I was gonna take advantage, get up early and walk around he lake, and in a rare cause of follow through on my part that's exactly what I did.
So with the ipod fired up and and after the apologies to my legs for having to be used so much at this early hour I set off. I left the apartment and about a half hour later I was at the lake, I was having an enjoyable walk, my head down as usual, music blasting so as I didn't have to hear the inane chatter of others when all of it sudden it hit me, well it almost hit me, a speeding duck, undaunted I continued on, when out of nowhere a second one of these seemingly ninja ducks came flying at me, just missing me and heading into the lake. As mentioned earlier, doesn't the deal apply to ducks as well? I've always been respectful of the duck, sitting majestically by the pond or on the water, always considered them a graceful flier, and while I have never donated to Ducks Unlimited I have never turned off their commercials, as I always learned a lot. However what I learned today was just how stealthy and uncaring these creatures are, sure I was in their flight path, but don't pedestrians have the right of way, they could have stopped and waited, I am a fast walker. Apparently these ducks don't feel this way and didn't care much for me walking through their turf, I still honestly don't know where they came from, I swear I did not see.......wait for it........eider of them.
The rest of the walk was peaceful and uneventful, however I couldn't help but feel a little suspicious of all the other ducks that I encountered. It's kinda like seeing a person of Arab descent at an airport, ninety-five percent of the time you know they are harmless but then you get a couple who have no problem flying into something and then you don't know which ones to trust. I'm sorry to the rest of the ducks that will have to pay the consequences for the actions of these two particular ducks, but much like George Costanza said at the end of that Seinfeld episode, from now on we have no deal. So ducks if it's a war you want, much like you I'm down, and you will rue the day you ever almost flew into me.................go ahead start ruing.
So bring your ninja ducks, bring your kamikaze ducks, your ugly ducklings, hell you can even bring those pigeons who sit in with your group attempting to be ducks, I will take on them all. While I thought this day would never come I have prepared for it, my brothers and I played Duck Hunt on Nintendo for hours, and I've also got a combination that you should be most scared of, an itchy trigger finger and a love for roast duck(okay I've never had roast duck, that was just for mind games but I assume it's delicious). I will tear through you all like an enraaaaaaaged mooooooose until I get to your leader, Emilio Estevez, I've seen the movies, I know he controls the ducks, I just have to find him, I know WHERE he is, but it's hard to find obscurity on a map. You wanna sneak up on me, it's gonna be you who will be caught with your pants down(all except Donald and how did he never get arrested for indecent exposure), you don't wanna mess with me for I am truly one bad mother ducker. I may not come back from this battle, or I may have a lot more pillows, but I can use all the help I can get, so readers, who's with me?
So with the ipod fired up and and after the apologies to my legs for having to be used so much at this early hour I set off. I left the apartment and about a half hour later I was at the lake, I was having an enjoyable walk, my head down as usual, music blasting so as I didn't have to hear the inane chatter of others when all of it sudden it hit me, well it almost hit me, a speeding duck, undaunted I continued on, when out of nowhere a second one of these seemingly ninja ducks came flying at me, just missing me and heading into the lake. As mentioned earlier, doesn't the deal apply to ducks as well? I've always been respectful of the duck, sitting majestically by the pond or on the water, always considered them a graceful flier, and while I have never donated to Ducks Unlimited I have never turned off their commercials, as I always learned a lot. However what I learned today was just how stealthy and uncaring these creatures are, sure I was in their flight path, but don't pedestrians have the right of way, they could have stopped and waited, I am a fast walker. Apparently these ducks don't feel this way and didn't care much for me walking through their turf, I still honestly don't know where they came from, I swear I did not see.......wait for it........eider of them.
The rest of the walk was peaceful and uneventful, however I couldn't help but feel a little suspicious of all the other ducks that I encountered. It's kinda like seeing a person of Arab descent at an airport, ninety-five percent of the time you know they are harmless but then you get a couple who have no problem flying into something and then you don't know which ones to trust. I'm sorry to the rest of the ducks that will have to pay the consequences for the actions of these two particular ducks, but much like George Costanza said at the end of that Seinfeld episode, from now on we have no deal. So ducks if it's a war you want, much like you I'm down, and you will rue the day you ever almost flew into me.................go ahead start ruing.
So bring your ninja ducks, bring your kamikaze ducks, your ugly ducklings, hell you can even bring those pigeons who sit in with your group attempting to be ducks, I will take on them all. While I thought this day would never come I have prepared for it, my brothers and I played Duck Hunt on Nintendo for hours, and I've also got a combination that you should be most scared of, an itchy trigger finger and a love for roast duck(okay I've never had roast duck, that was just for mind games but I assume it's delicious). I will tear through you all like an enraaaaaaaged mooooooose until I get to your leader, Emilio Estevez, I've seen the movies, I know he controls the ducks, I just have to find him, I know WHERE he is, but it's hard to find obscurity on a map. You wanna sneak up on me, it's gonna be you who will be caught with your pants down(all except Donald and how did he never get arrested for indecent exposure), you don't wanna mess with me for I am truly one bad mother ducker. I may not come back from this battle, or I may have a lot more pillows, but I can use all the help I can get, so readers, who's with me?
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