In my opinion one of he deadliest combinations in the world is a group of people with an opinion and too much time on their hands. Recently it appears that a group of pitchfork wielding plebians have come together to denounce iconic McDonald's pitchman Ronald McDonald. The group, known as Retire Ronald, says that Ronald is a main reason for childhood obesity, as apparently besides his historic commercials, he often snuck into houses, tied up the parents, and crammed his delicious burgers down the throats of kids. Could this be a bad sign for Ronald? I mean the last time the American people felt this way about a clown, George Bush's opinion poll ratings went into the toilet. It hasn't gotten that bad for the iconic clown yet though, as around sixty-five percent of all Americans say they still have a favorable view of him, George Bush could have found Bin Laden by himself and paraded him through New York and still wouldn't have gotten that rating.
Despite the favorable rating, there are still around fifty-two percent of Americans who believe that cartoonish spokespeople should not be used, meanwhile Vince Schlomi, the Shamwow guy is still allowed on television. The founder of the campaign behind Retire Ronald, Stacy Folsom, said in a statement that "No corporation has done more to hook kids on unhealthy food, influencing brand loyalties and eating habits that can last a lifetime." Apparently this woman has been busy all her life and has never seen a cereal commercial , or that there is an outside world, a world where kids can run and play, work off the food that this devilish clown pumps out into the world. This woman and her group truly has her work cut out for her, because if she succeeds, McDonald's restaurants are everywhere, it's been inside of more people then Tiger Woods, so you can take the clown from the restaurant, but you can't take the food from the people, until about ten minutes or so after you eat it.
Hey, I'm not saying the clown is perfect, sure he tempts us with delicious food and and so much grease, but think of all the good he's done. As the article states he is the spokesperson behind Ronald McDonald house, a worthy charity, he is the face of awareness for literacy and physical education, and hey in most every commercial he often fended off the threats of the nefarious Hamburgler (okay I added the last one). I tried to get a word from the legendary clown but all I got was a grimace, and who the hell can understand what that big purple simpleton is saying. Obviously there are no plans to take Ronald McDonald out behind the shed and shoot him, as replacing him would no doubt cost millions, and besides I'm sure he has some powerful friends, Mayor McCheese anyone.
Personally I think this campaign to oust Ronald stems from the irrational fear of clowns that most people have. It's either that or a conspiracy started by none other then the sinister Burger King, you people think clowns are creepy, believe me, Stephen King's It could have been about the Burger King and it still would have been just as creepy. Back to the fear of clowns for a second, to all those people who are afraid, picture this, what if Ronald McDonald is in fact evil, what if he has a vindictive side, for if he does all the people who call for him to be put out to pasture should watch their backs.
Don't sleep.....................or the clown will eat you.
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