I've often heard it said that Newfoundland is God's country; however, these past few days someone must have upset him pretty bad cause he has not been liking us too much. First he unleashes a swarm of locusts on the city of St. Johns in the Canadian music industry, I mean K'naan, seriously, Canadian rap music begins and ends with Maestro Fresh Wes, there's no room for anyone else. Secondly, and what I really want to talk about is this weather we've been having, after teasing us with Mr. golden sun for most of March, Mother Nature has done something that not even the diabolical Mr. Burns could do, and block out the sun. Now I would never hurt a woman(except that one time I made my friend and co-worker bleed with a can of whip cream but she sabotaged my tea so she knew what the consequences would be) but these past few days have made me want to march up to Mother Nature and punch her right in the baby-maker.
Ever since Friday(maybe longer, all days are the same for me) we have had a mix of rain, fog, more rain, possible volcanic ash(ashed rain?) thicker fog, and for a brief time today snow. We've had so much rain these past couple of days that I have started working on an ark, progress is slow so far but I'm eating as many Popsicles as I can in order to get all the wood I need, work has been delayed several times by both procrastination and severe ice cream headaches. I've recruited some good help in the ark building process but if anyone else would like to help when we take off I will have two of every dessert on board. As the line in the movie The Crow goes "It can't rain all the time" and this is true, every now and then it turns into a dense layer of fog, although yesterday was 4/20 so maybe it wasn't fog at all, I was awful hungry after being outside for a few minutes. All this fog reminds me of that movie, you know the one with the bad twist at the end, you know that one.......The Village, they both make me upset, and I don't really want to see either again.
But wait, we didn't just get rain or fog, apparently we may have gotten some of Iceland's volcanic as as well. Wasn't it bad enough that you turned Europe into your own personal ash tray? now you have to force us to second hand smoke the equivalent of fifty packs a day(that number is based on estimations purely in my head). Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't there a ban on public smoking, in this province anyway, I think we should levy a fine on this Icelandic Volcano, I'd like to see it go against Danny Williams, wouldn't even be a fair fight, I mean one is an ever erupting mass of hot air, which spews venom towards whatever is against it, and the other is just a stupid hill that spits out molten lava every few decades or so.
At least the rain let up a little today, just enough to give us some snow, do you know what I don't need to see in April, snow. Though I can't really complain about this winter cause we had less snow then usual, and even today the snow only lasted for a few minutes, but winter is over, snow you had your chance to shine, you didn't live up to expectations, so limp out of the way and let the sun have his chance to shine. While I'm on the topic of snow, I find it funny that despite all this rain we are having, there are still some snowbanks left. What are you trying to prove snowbanks, all your friends are gone, go with them, nobody wants to see you anymore, I mean look at you, all dirty, covered in filth, the city has homeless people for that, we don't need you anymore. Sure you were fun once, to climb, and hide behind as I threw snowballs at unsuspecting kids but it's time you moved on.
Recently I discovered this fad called jogging(could be a silent J), apparently you just run, for an extended period of time, and I have set a goal for myself that as part of the weight loss I would jog around the lake by the end of the summer. Well folks if this rain doesn't stop I could reach this goal without even leaving my driveway, it's starting to look like New Orleans post Katrina out there, soaking wet, and Bush wants nothing to do with us. So until the weather clears up I will sit indoors and wait it out, and when I hear the weatherman say sun is coming, I will be as happy about a forecast as when Ricky Martin first found out it was going to be raining men.
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