The Chicken Hero Saga Chapter 7: Petty Crimes

  It had been an especially busy week at the harvest, I mean it was always busy there but these days it seemed like customers were coming out of the woodwork, which was the neighboring village, and usually villagers kept to their village cause they had their own harvest, but months prior they had lost it due to an infestation of wild badgers, or so were the reports. The hero's boss Peterus granted him a few days off to "recharge his batteries" which both excited him and confused him for he didn't think he ran on batteries, he had always thought he was solar powered, which was why he felt so sluggish when it rained.  With several days off the Hero had to find something to do, he planned on training to fight the Deboner, but he was especially quiet lately, and there was only so many montages he could take.  He had made plans to see an acting troupe perform a play about small ravenous fish attacking townsfolk, apparently the actors through things at the audience to enhance their experience.  He had planned to see this with harvest co-worker Joshias, he was a good man, struck with a case of gigantism as a child but only in the ears, which made him an extraordinary listener but made it hard for him to walk on a windy day.

  After those plans got delayed the Hero sought a new outlet to entertain him, he had heard of a popular minstrel group coming to town, Tomias Petty and his traveling minstrels were known all over the land, their songs sang everywhere so there would no doubt be a huge crowd of townsfolk to see them.  After some confusion as to why the first show was on the second night, the Hero shrugged and paid the entrance fee.  As he had suspected there were thousands upon thousands of people there, some people must have even hopped on those winged vehicles he had heard some much about.  The amount of people astonished him, the last time he had heard of this many people in one place, one of the old serving wenches Marias had talked about Jesus feeding all those people with fish and bread.  He could listen to her stories for hours, cause they didn't include things that were in Jesus' biography, such as how many bills had to be taken care of when the fish and bread ran out, and how many free meals had to be given out, and also how Noah actually had three of every animal on board the ark, the extra weight made it hard to sail but every night they had a delicious meal.

  The Hero found his seat and waited for the performance to begin; but when it did he could not believe his eyes.  Before Tomias Petty and his minstrels took the stage, they marched out four blind African American men, all in matching suits, and made them perform in front of the townsfolk.  He had heard of this practice before, but had thought it had been abolished when it was discovered that they dominated every sporting event.  Now the Hero didn't mind cheap labor, he knew the Mexican townsfolk had been put on earth for a reason, but this was unacceptable, to march these poor people out there and prance them around was preposterous, and he knew he had to do something about it.  On the way down from his seat he noticed something, besides the fact that his foot couldn't keep from tapping, the other townsfolk were also transfixed by their performance, everywhere he looked the whitest of people were infused with rhythm, and they could not stop dancing and waving their arms, something wasn't right, something was very wrong.

   It was time for Tomias Petty to take the stage, and his dulcet tones filled the coliseum, everywhere the Hero looked people were singing along with him, and relentlessly clapping until their hands bled.  Some poor villager a few rows ahead of him could not stop dancing and gyrating, at first the Hero thought he was having a seizure, but it was much worse, it was not a seizure, it was the man's soul leaving his body.  Just then it dawned him, he had forgot to put out his fire pit at home.........oh and this music was turning people into mindless zombies, he had to stop it before it was too late.   He knew he could not take on this outbreak at once, he would need backup, he had to go to the harvest and round up his co-workers, he trusted them for the most part, and their brains would surely be delicious.............no it was getting to him, he had to leave quickly.

  Upon arriving at the harvest he saw young dishwasher Tylerus, who called himself Tyler for short, he didn't understand why everyone else didn't shorten their names, but then he didn't understand why he didn't have a name so he didn't question it.  When told of the situation Tyler responded "A zombie outbreak, that's Tyleriffec, I will join you my friend and I will unleash the THE EYE OF THE TYLER." The Hero wasn't sure why he screamed the last part, or why he included his name in other words, but Tyler was wiry and in a pinch could be picked up and used to hit zombies with, so he would be useful.  Next the Hero saw Andrewis, who when he heard the story, stared blankly for a few minutes, and then laughed as if he had missed out on some joke.  The Hero cursed that wagon that hit Andrewis as a boy, but then he had an idea, he simply told him that the zombies planned on making Andrewis a dishwasher, and rage overtook him. Next he saw one of the hosting wenches Alyssyius, who could be useful as she possessed the power of long windedness, she could make one sentence last two hours, that and her rapid speech would truly cause some confusion. It was a rough time for the harvest to be short staffed, his brother Robbieus was performing a show with his minstrel group, apparently an untimely gust of wind had left Joshias in a high tree, and Bogeyus the procurer of goods was on one of his many trips to the market. He would have asked the serving wenches to help, but if things went bad they would have to run, and serving wenches have a problem running fast.

  Taking what he could get, the Hero rounded up his band of misfits, he packed some heavy duty and even more trustworthy chicken string, and some duct tape for when Alyssyius started one of her stories.  They arrived at the store and witnessed the horrific scene, as far as the eye could see people were dancing, and clapping, and eating the other townsfolk, and in the middle of all controlling the action was Tomias Petty.  "PETTY" the Hero bellowed and the music stopped, everyone both with a mind and without turned to look at the intruders "You have controlled your last zombie, and they have eaten their last brain, now your going down" "AND IT'S GONNA BE TYLERTASTIC" leaning to his puny yet strong willed associate he said "you can't really fit Tyler in fantastic" "Hey, Tyler fits in anything, just ask the ladies.....eh....eh." The Hero made a mental note to punch Tyler after this was over.

  His note was interrupted when Petty began to speak "You think you can stop me, many have tried, many have failed, the last was an American girl, she was tougher then she appeared, but I vanquished her, that was my last dance with Mary Jane, you can come at me but you will find that I won't back down, I will stand my ground.  I open a new world for these people, a world of escape, they don't have to live like a refugee.  They all follow me now, it's good to be king, and you will not take it from me, come after me and you will be learning to fly, it will be the end of the line for you." "Enough with the song titles" quipped the Hero as he began to charge "Tweeter........Monkey man..........attack", with that two huge mind controlled monsters charged, the Hero was able to lasso them and tie them together, as he looked around he noticed that Alyssyius had a number of zombies distracted with a story that truly wasn't going anywhere, then suddenly the wind picked up and they blew away.  Some zombies began to drag Andrewis away but once he thought he was being lead to the pit of dishes he began to fight back. It was now down to the Hero and Tomias Petty. "I bet your interested in how I did this" a smug Petty said "Not really" retorted the hero. "You see those men I have play before me are a soul band in more then one way, they literally suck the souls out of the people, and they all go to me, there is only one antidote and it's this book which you will never get." Petty's monologue was interrupted by the laughing of the Hero. "What's so funny? I never made a joke!" "Well see you just told me your plan, and how to turn things around, everyone knows when that happens the good guy always wins." "Awwww crap, I knew I shouldn't have smoked that weedgrass."

  Just as the hero was about to wind up and deliver the finishing blow from behind came a loud shriek and Petty was taken down, "CROUCHING TYLER HIDDEN DRAGON" ......while that was a better use of his name it was an unfortunate time to get in the way, but the Hero noticed something, in the ongoing scuffle the book had fallen out, he snatched it quickly and looked it over "Hmmmm chicken soup for the soulless" he started reading stories of how people overcame being mindless sheep and he saw the crowd drop who they were eating and begin to pay attention, one by one they came to their senses, but surveying the carnage they all wept, some screamed "What kind of concert would make us go on a murderous rampage?" The Hero simply responded with "how about Justinus Bieberus, I am pretty sure he could also suck the life out of people." All the townsfolk laughed and agreed, and peace was restored.....

  For now.