The Chicken Hero saga Chapter 9: I think we're deboned now

 There didn't seem to be anyone around, the beating of his heart was the only sound as he saw that giant device approaching.  This is what it had all come down, all the stalling, all non linear plot stories used to flesh out the character, this is what it had all come down to.  This was for all the marbles, it was time to pay the piper, bring the chickens home to roost, pay the brass tax, draw a line in the sand, fight without prejudice, he hoped Deboner would get soon as he was running out of witty taglines. The cloud of dust approaching he had not seen since the townsfolk women had stormed the mall of Avalon during their last sale, he hoped to himself that there would be less people harmed in this battle then there were on that fateful day.

  Finally after what seemed like a too long and meandering paragraph the dust cleared and before him stood the familiar face of evil. "Expecting someone else?" asked the Deboner with his trademark evil smirk. "No, no I kind of figured it was you, I mean you are my only arch nemesis right." "You think your so smart don't you Hero, but I know you didn't see this coming, this machine behind me spells your doom, that's right D O O M E, DOOM!" "Well I hope it does a better job of spelling doom than you did, and yeah how could I not see it coming? I saw that trail of dust coming two towns over, did you really need to make it that big? are you compensating for something there boney? "ENOUGH, enough of this, you think it is your will to defend the harvest, to feed those peasant townsfolk, well enjoy trying to prepare with NO BONES!".."actually that would be quite nice on a salad, a boneless chicken breast." "STOP HAVING ALL THE ANSWERS YOU SMUG LITTLE TROGLODYTE!". The Hero had no time to look up what the hell he was just called, it was time to do a word he did understand.....attack.

  He had never ran so fast in his life, he ran faster then Petrus the third when someone called out cigarette break at the harvest, it was like something was pulling him.......wait..........something was pulling him.  Some force was pulling him toward the Deboner, but not just him, the sky was now covered in flying chickens, but what sorcery was this, in his time at the harvest the Hero had learned a great deal about chickens, the two most important being that you couldn't count them before they hatched, and they couldn't fly, so what now was making them take to the sky.  The Hero grabbed onto a nearby tree to stop himself from being pulled in the direct path of the device, and was aghast at what he saw next, chicken after chicken being crushed and vaporized, leaving only skin and dust.  It was a shocking revelation, the Deboner was not the bumbling idiot he thought he was, for once his name inspired seriousness instead of giggling, the main food source of the townsfolk was depleting before his eyes, and he had to stop it. In the midst of the dust and feathers the Hero was able to make out the Deboner, standing with a large joystick in his hand, rubbing it gently, and reveling in the ecstasy of  a plan coming into fruition.

  The Hero knew it was time to act, taking out his trusty and effective chicken string he lassoed an approaching chicken and soared through the air, with a mighty kick the joystick was removed from the Deboner's hand, dropping to the earth below the Hero was able to race to the remote and hit the off button, with that all the soaring chickens fell to the earth like a delicious hailstorm. "HERO..........YOU HAVE SCREWED ME FOR THE LAST TIME........YOU THINK YOU HAVE WON.....WELL WE WILL SEE HOW YOU WIN WHEN I GET MY ROCKS OFF....". "Wait........what" he didn't have time to finish as he saw the first rock flying at him, the Deboner had now taken a more primitive approach and was using a slingshot, what was more of a shock was that he proved to be an adept shot as a huge stone nailed the Hero right in the forehead, fallen on the ground in a daze with the now laughing manically Deboner standing over him, the Hero could not help but think of the people that needed him most, how would Bogeyus the procurer of goods procure goods if there were no goods to procure, how would Joshias afford his ear reduction surgery, how would Karenus the beggar ever make two bucks again, just as it seemed things couldn't get dimmer they did, the skies darkened, thunder rolled and the skies opened up.......literally, something was approaching, it was a bird, it was a plane, no, no wait it was definitely a bird, but it was no ordinary bird, and it was a welcome sight.

  The Hero looked up to see the Deboner struck and knocked off balance by none other then Cluckus the brave warrior chicken with the adamantium frame.  However, he was not alone, there was a smaller warrior fighting alongside him, a bird he never seen before, but he was a poultry that packed a punch.  Stumbling to his feet the Hero looked at Cluckus, "What took you so long?" "Missed the Bus" replied Cluckus.  Looking at his companion the Hero asked "And who might this be?" "I am Cletus, son of Cluckus, protector of the sacred Talon." Yet another shocking bit of information the Hero had to absorb, " You never told me you had a son." To which Cluckus replied "I didn't know till recently, he found me shortly after you left, I didn't believe it until we went to see some guy named Povich, an apothecary who has the means of finding out these things, he told me for certain that I WAS the father, but I've seen him fight, and I am proud of him, he is good, he is strong, he can fly......wait that's not right." No it wasn't right, somewhere in the midst of catching up the Deboner had gotten the remote back, and the Chick Magnet was on again, now all of the brave warriors were being pulled toward the magnet. "WHAT DO WE DO DAD?" yelled Cletus. "IT WILL BE FINE SON, JUST REPEAT YOUR MANTRA LIKE I TAUGHT YOU'. With that both chickens bowed their heads and repeated these worlds:

 Once more into the fray
 Into the last good fight I'll ever know
 Won't be fried this day
 Won't be fried this day

  The Hero seeing this wished he had taught of a mantra of his own that could help, thinking fast he repeated the first thing that came into his head:

  Open the door, get on the floor
  Everybody walk the dinosaur
  Open the door, get on the floor
  Everybody walk the dinosaur

 He didn't know why he thought of that, he had no time to think about it for they were approaching the Chick Magnet quickly when suddenly it was over, the machine started to sputter and all of a sudden it exploded. The Deboner looked on in disbelief......."I can't believe, my equipment has failed.......I swear this has never happened before......." The Hero, his face full of relief quipped "Yeah sure buddy, I'm sure you were just stressed, trying to destroy a town's food supply can be nerve racking, happens to all guys." "NOT TO ME, NONE OF MY THINGS EVER PREMATURELY EXPLODE...........WHAT ARE YOU GIGGLING AT?" The giggling was soon replaced with the sound of an adamantium talon striking the Deboner's face, the two warrior chickens pecked and scratched at the Deboner, sending him fleeing in a desperate escape attempt, running his way through countless chickens the Hero unraveled his trusty and effective chicken string, wrapping it around his feet and tripping him up. "You say I wasn't prepared for you Deboner, guess again, I have done my homework, and I know how to stop you." With that the Hero unveiled a big latex sack, and covered the Deboner head to toe.  "Now that you are covered in this protective latex shell you will no longer be able to spread your evil anywhere, and you the town shall be safe.

  Upon arriving at the jail where the Deboner would spent his days encased in latex, the Hero said goodbye to his warrior chicken friends. "Where will you go now?" "Well I hear Maria Brun is up to her old tricks again, so I guess that's where we are headed, but I am sure our path's will cross again Hero."  Tired and beaten down but overjoyed at the defeat of his arch enemy the Hero began the journey home. So overjoyed was he that he had not noticed it started to rain, nor did he notice the hole that had formed in the latex sack of the unconscious Deboner.

 The laughing............he definitely heard the laughing though.