This is but a chapter in the story of
Cluckus
Who sought to fight evil when it created
ruckus;
Long were
the days in the land with no sky;
This is the
land between Live and Die.
Also the
land some called purgatory
This is the
place wherein lies our story.
A Hero,
called No Name, as Ulysses of Old
Did lecture
the chicken, who answered him bold:
“The Hero
and Cluckus will be the title,”
Screamed out
the Hero, to him this was vital.
“Not while I
live with my adamantium bones;
Cluckus ,
the first name to be on our tomes!”
Cluckus’
talons gleamed razor sharp
Upon this
point he was prepared to harp.
For days
numbered two this debate raged on
While in the
sky Thunder went on and on;
Lightening,
too, flashed ‘cross the sky
And struck
the Hero, who seemed hard done by.
The Harps of
Fate were then heard strumming;
Cluckus said:
“Wow, didn’t see that one coming.”
He extended
a wing to the laid low Hero
Who’d gone
from upright to sea level minus zero.
The Hero
crackled and sizzled with power;
And Cluckus
knew then twas almost the hour
For songs
had been sung of this Hero to date
All of which
agreed that he would be great.
The Hero’s
eyes suddenly fluttered open;
To be back
at the Harvest was what he was hopin’
“I feel
kinda different,” he said to the chicken
“My stomach’s
all off, I think I may sicken.”
But sick he
wasn’t, he couldn’t be wronger!
Lightening
did not kill him, just made him stronger.
“What’s
happened to me,” the Hero inquired
He felt
kinda different, inwardly fired.
“Power has
been given to you on this day;
Do no misuse
it,” was what Cluckus did say.
“I will
teach you its course, and then you will see
That with
Great power comes responsibility.”
“I’ve heard
that before,” the Hero did say.
From
Spiderman I think, on some fateful day”
“The spider
is wise,” responded the fowl
And so let
us go, and get on the prowl.”
But before
the two could begin training
A figure
arose under a moon that was waning;
He wore a
poncho, a mustache and sombrero
And he was a
colonel; Colonel Sandero!
Cluckus’ nemesis
of old, who did not adore him,
Now rose
from the grave, rose up before him!
“You’re
protege’s weak,” Sandero did say.
The Hero
could only respond with: “Hey!”
Sandero’s
grimace slid right off of Cluckus
But in the Hero’s
heart it made such a ruckus.
“Three days
from now, I will crush his spine
And all of
this hateful land will be mine!
Look for me then
by Sandero’s rock,
I’ll defeat
your protégé, you useless old cock;
When he finally
lay’s expired at my feet
Once and for
all, know you’ll be beat!”
With a puff
of smoke, Sandero disappeared
Leaving the Hero
somewhat afeared;
Cluckus only
sighed, saying “Will this never end?
True evil
never really dies my friend.
Let us make
our way to Sandero’s rock
Where you’ll
beat him down, just like Brock
Lesnar, beat
down all those guys
What? We get
UFC here, don’t be surprised!”
The Hero
stood stock still, and glared at the fowl
He felt so
frustrated, he wanted to howl;
“Listen to
me, you foul stupid bird
Me fighting
Sandero is oh so absurd!
He’s clearly
a master of the arcane arts
With what should
I fight him, my uncanny farts?
How can I
learn enough in three days
To take down
Sandero and leave him a’dazed?”
Cluckus
merely sighed, espying the doubt
Which had o’ertaken
the Hero, causing his shout:
“The gods
have provided, just come with me
All will be
revealed and then you will see.”
They walked
for some time through land which was strange
Until
finally Cluckus felt they’d covered the range;
“Here is
where I will teach you of your power;
It will not
take long, for this is your Hour.
The bolt
from the sky was divine intervention
You’ve been
given the powers of learning and retention;
So much the
better is your divine frontage
For you have
been given the Power of Montage!”
The Hero
just stood slack jawed and unheeding
Surely his
ears had been so misleading?
Had the Chicken
said Montage, just like in a movie?
Because if
he had, that sure would be groovy.
“Now listen
up chicken, don’t get me wrong
Do you mean
that I can learn things by song?
Because
doing so would ease my frustration
And I would
look to music for so much inspiration!”
“You have
guessed true,” the chicken replied
Feeling at
last some fledgling of pride;
Sure his protégé
was mostly quite dense
But at least
he was slightly smarter than a fence.
“You have
been chosen to right the misdeeds
Of the DeBoner
(teehee) and his greeds;
So let us
get learning, I’ve brought my guitar
I’ve got
this good Chord App, so we won’t have to go far;
Let’s start
with Survivor, a good place to start
Eye of the Tiger shall lend you strength
of heart;
From there
Duran Duran, to bridge the Gulf
Between
Desire and action Hungry like the Wolf
So Hero and
Mentor, Chicken and Man
Did train
all not long, to fulfill the plan
Of some
whackdoodle god with naught better to do
Than to go
messing within Nature’s zoo.
By morning
the Hero was weary in spirit;
Cluckus
played more, but he didn’t want to hear it;
“Enough! I
am done, I’ve had no sleep.
You know I
don’t care about this Sandero creep!
I just need
to get home, back to my land
And slap the
Deboner with the back of my hand;
I’m tired of
music so what do you say!”
Cluckus just
looked, and softly began to play.
We’ve known each other for so long;
Your heart’s been aching but you’re too shy
to say it
“Oh no” said
the Hero,” I know this tune.”
But Cluckus
kept playing under the waning moon.
Inside we both know what’s going on;
We know the game and we’re gonna play it.
A spark
started growing in the Hero’s heart
He’d just
been Rick rolled, but would play his part
And if you ask me how I’m feeling
Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see it.
The Hero’s heart grew three sizes that day
And he knew
the Deboner, would never break sway
And together
they sang as the sun came up;
The Hero
lost all thought of his frown:
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down;
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say good bye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
The Hero’s
heart grew even more sizes that day
As his Heroic
nature finally gained sway;
He’d never
give up, not ever again
And he’d
bring to the DeBoner, all sorts of pain.
Well friends
from there, our story is done
The battle
with Sandero? Easily won.
I won’t go
through it all, twould take too long
But it was a
victory for the power of song.
The
Highlights
Sandero
thought to throw dirt in the eyes
But thanks to
Montage, he’d got a surprise
For in one
good song the Hero had learned
To defend
himself when his poor eyes burned.
He caught
Sandero’s truly aimed fist
And tore him
a wing, if you get my gist;
From there
all was done, without a doubt
For the arms
have some veins, and Sandero bled out.
Cluckus
stood o’er Sandero, saying “Ah Bug it!’
Drew off and
kicked him right in the nuggets.
And that was
the end of Colonel Sandero
The Vice
Dean of Evil who sported bolero.
As Sandero
lay bleeding all over the ground
A portal
there opened, perfectly round;
The Hero
then knew he’d passed this trial
And must
head back to defeat the most vile
Villain plaguing
Harvests all over the land
He stood
tall and proud, and proffered his hand;
Cluckus
stood and smiled there with pride
He saw the
new strength the Hero had inside.
“Go then to
your land,” the chicken did say
“And defeat
this new evil, which seeks to hold sway.
Remember
your time here, and remember the songs
Which will
teach you mad skillz, to defeat the wrongs
Done there
by others who’d seek to rule poorly;
Teach them
their lessons, teach them such sorely.
Go back to
your home and make ye good ruckus
And go tell
the tale of the Hero and Cluckus!”
At the face
of the portal the Hero stood proudly
And over its
noise he did proclaim loudly.
“Thank you
for your training, Cluckus the Great
May you be
one chicken I ne’er see on a plate!”
With that
last benediction the Hero jumped through
And Cluckus stood
wondering how he would do;
“Ah well,”
he said. “Odds are better than zero
And screw
that, this was called
CLUCKUS AND
THE HERO!
This was but one chapter of the life of Cluckus
Who sought to slay evil, when it created
great ruckus.
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