The Chicken Hero Saga Chapter 4: What's causing all this Cluckus?

  How did things get to be like this? His world turned literally upside down, The Hero hung precariously from the tree branch, unable to reach his trusty chicken knife he could not cut himself free; however, as he looked down he saw that he had bigger problems. There's no way what he was seeing was real, he must still be under the effects of the Deboner's dream powder, was it? No it couldn't be, did his eyes deceive him? Or was that in fact a giant chicken standing underneath him. The giant chicken looked up and proceeded to cut him down, letting him fall to the earth with a hearty thud, as he began to thank this strange chicken a sharp talon came thrusting towards him, he was able to dodge the attack using the sage advice imparted to him from Jeffrius, the potato stick preparer.  When once traveling a yonder country side he encountered a massive bear, knowing he was no match for the giant animal he began to use the boxing technique of sticking and moving, after a while rendering the bear to tired to fight back, that bearskin adorns the floor of his hut to this very day.

  However, this was no bear, nor ordinary piece of poultry, chickens were fast, he was faster, they were hard to catch, he was harder to catch, he had the agility and ferocity of ten angry turkeys, and he was relentless in his attack. WHO ARE YOU? screamed the Hero, WHY DO YOU ATTACK ME WHEN I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO YOU? Just then the giant foul let out a giant squawk, and pushed our hero hard to the ground. "You honestly believe that you have done nothing to my kind, you the feared slayer of chickens, the man whose name is spoken in hushed breaths among my race, do you sit there and deny these claims? "Whoa whoa whoa....whoa......whoa.....whoa, I have nothing against your race, I happen to find your kind very friendly, and delicious, you have the wrong man."

 "You are just like the rest of them" retorted the vengeful bird, "always saying I have the wrong person." I have battled for decades the likes of you, you mortal beings, there was the Evil Maria Brun, who I watched take my friends and throw them in the hottest oils imaginable until their skins were crispy.  There was the wicked Colonel Sanderos, a magical man whose secret potion made my friends golden and juicy and irresistible to insatiable townspeople.  Now there is you, the alleged Hero, you take my race, chickens that I have fought proudly with, and you.....you quarter them, letting those folk eat pieces of them at a time, then you pick the bones and boil the leftovers, and people call me a monster."

  "That was a right pretty speech, but now I'm gonna hit you in that foul mouth of yours." With that the Hero lunged at the massive poultry, unsheathing his trusty chicken knife he thrust it into the heart of the great bird..........or he would have, if the knife had gotten through.  The Hero had never seen anything like this, underneath the feathers and tender juicy white meat lay not cartilage or bone, but steel.  He was awe struck, then he was struck by a massive chicken foot which sent him sailing back to the entrance of the chicken harvest.  Crawling on his hands and knees he was stopped by his manager Petrus, father of Petrus the third, "You don't look so well man, are you okay?" "Am fine.........must.....go.....back.....and.......fight......big.....giant.....chicken." Petrus looked at The Hero with a confused stare "You have been working to hard, why don't you take a few days off, and if you could urinate in this here cup. that would be great." As he rose to his feet, he staggered out toward the road he had just been tossed from, encountering Bogias the provider of goods he asked him if he had seen a massive chicken, bigger then anything they had seen before, Bogias responded by saying "No, No, the only chickens I've seen are the ones in the ice box, they are average size, exactly 3.6 kilograms, a fun fact if you add all them up, divide by 2, and then multiply by 7 you get a guess at our average food cost."  The Hero knew what it meant when Bogias went off on a math tangent, and he knew it could take a couple of hours for him to finish, and every minute counted, so he crept away.

  He approached the spot he was thrown from to find the massive bird waiting for him. "Perhaps I underestimated you Hero, but I shall no more." With that a set of retractable metal talons shot out, he had never seen talons like this before.  "What sort of sorcery is this? How can you have no talons one minute and then have metal the next? Who are you?" "The name is Cluckus, I am the first and last of my kind, before they started this fresh, never frozen kind of my race, the farmers who watched us pumped us full of chemicals to make us grow faster, but me I grew too fast, and my bones began to deteriorate, not wanting to lose any of his flock, the genius farmer replaced my bones with something called Adamantium, it is impenetrable so your puny blade won't cut through it, and it allows me to heal faster as well, so there is nothing you can do to me, you will never remove the bones of another chicken again."

 "Wait, I don't remove the bones of a chicken.........well unless the townsfolk want a sandwich, and I hate making sandwiches......between you and me I try to leave a bone intact so they find it and don't want a sandwich anymore. It is not me you seek, it is the Deboner, it is he who seeks to turn your kind into oversize whoopie cushions." "Hmmm, I had heard this Deboner's name spoken, but thought no man could truly name himself such a terrible and giggle worthy name." "Yeah I couldn't believe it either, but he is real,and he is powerful, but maybe if we combine our forces he can be stopped." "Well I still don't like what you do to my race, and you still have to pay for your actions, but the fight against evil is a fight that must be fought first, let's go then, join me in my crusade."

 "Ummm technically, I fought the Deboner first, so your joining me in my Crusade."

 "This is gonna be a long trek."

 "Do you think when we win, they will write tales about us, The Adventures of the Hero and Cluckus"

 "You mean The Adventures of Cluckus and the Hero"

 "THE HERO AND CLUCKUS"

 "CLUCKUS AND THE HERO"

 This argument lasted two whole days, until something happened that would bring them together, and nearly tear the harvest apart.