Well it's official, the world is going to hell in a handbasket. Everyday we see reports of earthquakes, devastation, murder, assault, and now perhaps the worst of them all, wiener theft. I know what your probably thinking, and no Lorena Bobbitt is not on the loose again, but it's the story of two men charged with break and enter in Peterborough, Ont. As the story goes, two young men broke into an apartment, and by broke in I mean walked through an unlocked door, stealing an estimated (and whopping) 304 dollars worth of items, including the holy grail of all stolen items, a pack of chicken flavored hot dogs. Other items included a Playstation 3, some video games, and a can of blueberry juice, cause if your in the business of stealing hot dogs, then be smart enough to steal something to wash it down with, that's just common sense.
I feel bad for the victim, imagine him or her just coming home from a day at work, and thinking to themselves "hey, I think I'll play a video game, let's pop in God of war..........hey all my games are gone, that's weird. That's okay I still have a game in my Ps3 I'll just play that one.....wait a minute my Ps3 is gone, oh man, and someone's been sleeping in my bed." Okay so that last part was from Goldilocks and the three bears but you get the idea. What would possible compel these two utes (Joe Pesci represent) to steal a pack of chicken flavored hot dogs? I mean has anybody tasted those things? all the stolen cans of blueberry juice in the world can't wash the taste of that horrid food out of your mouth. Truly when these young men go to trial, the judge will not need to hand down a sentence for the taste of those things alone will be punishment enough.
If I could be Frank for a minute (actually I can be Frank all the time) when I saw this story I said to myself "self, I relish the chance to write about this". Its an intriguing crime story about two petty criminals who couldn't cut the mustard in major crimes, so they started small, hoping the police couldn't ketchup to them. These two brats are the wurst kind of people, because they start so small and petty, starting with apartments, then moving up to mayo clinics, then start putting their buns on the line, and into major break and entries. So if your reading this, go check your freezer now, don't be left in the cold, for the supper that you thought was there may be in the hands of evil doers, people who no concern for the appetites of others, I mean the polite thing to do would have been to keep the hot dogs, and steal two hot dog buns, so there is finally a good hot dog bun to hot dog ratio.
Earthquakes, tsunamis, poverty, The Jersey Shore, the world is full of terrible things, it's bad enough we live in a world that would allow the atrocity of chicken wieners, do we really have to steal them from one another?
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