You'd butter not pout

Butter.....


We all take it for granted, we always just assume that it will be there when we open the refrigerator door, waiting to be added to things to make them more delicious; but what if you woke up one day and the butter was gone, what if you had to go from I can't believe it's not butter to I can't believe it's not there, melted away as if it was left in the heat too long. Now you probably think this could never happen in a million years.......or you could be from Norway and reading this crying into your own unbuttered popcorn. If your reading this and wondering what the hell I'm talking about A) you have never read this blog before and B) you haven't heard that Norway is apparently drastically low on butter.

Unlike the dairy product, word began spreading recently that there wasn't enough butter to meet the high demand of the low carb diet crazed Norwegians. I asked myself how could a place run out of butter? Have they followed the advice of Bart Simpson and they simply don't have cows man? But no apparently they do have cows, but apparently it rains a lot in Norway, and not just bullets either, actual rain which damages the feed quality, so for any of you wondering if cows are picky eaters, the answer is apparently yes.

It has gotten to the point where store owners are rationing butter, I assume taking diligent notes as there is a close margarine of error when it comes to who gets what and how much. It has gotten so bad butter is now the number one thing sold by drug dealers on the street corners of Oslo, the dealers get hounded by hungry people just waiting to have home cooked meals like they are used to. Police keep trying to crack down on the oleo pushers but they just cover themselves in it making it easier to slip through the cracks. Widespread panic has covered the land, people choking on dry unflavored popcorn, when one person suggested using peanut butter, he was chased with sticks and forced to live in Finland. Black metal radio stations play song after song about the dairy strife. The band Mayhem's song "The Devil steals your butter to rape babies" is now the number one song in the entire place.

I'm not one to overreact but this butter thing could be a scary situation. I mean think about it, Norway suffering from a lack of butter means not enough butter on baked potatoes, so they stopped eating them, all of a sudden Norway stops getting potatoes from Ireland causing another potato famine. No potatoes means no whiskey gets made, no whiskey means nobody getting as drunk as much. Less drunk people mean less dates for ugly people, which means less people having babies, sending the population into a sharp decline until all that is left are Cher and cockroaches. So this year for Christmas, do something special, buy an extra tub of butter, or you really fat people buy an extra extra tub of butter and send it to our Norwegian friends, and give them a Dairy Christmas.


Bear's Corner: Hi everyone, just a tip to all the hungry dogs out there, is it not time for feeding yet? are you hungry but don't want to spoil your supper? have a nice light snack of pillow stuffing or drywall........I find that a little nibble here and there keeps Mr. Hunger away. Until next time I'm Bear and that's my Paws for thought.