Scarlett Fever

Scarlett Johansson......


The mere mention of that name sends tremors through the loins of the majority of the world's male population. It doesn't matter if your straight, homosexual, bi-sexual or even Republican, there is not a man on this earth who wouldn't tell you she is incredibly attractive. That is why the internet nearly exploded a couple of days ago when someone finally hacked into her personal life revealing photos that she obviously didn't want to be revealed......and the internet rejoiced. It is reported that for the first time in years the World of Warcraft games were virtually deserted, leaving only tumbleweeds roaming through the vast universe. On an unrelated note, congratulations to tumbleweeds for finishing and winning the whole World of Warcraft game.

Johansson was obviously upset, but what did she expect, after all one person's boob picture is another man's treasure; and if a hacker who has the resources even gets a whiff that there is a hint of a possibility of seeing a boob online they are gonna go after it. After all picture boobs make up 98 percent of all their boob contact so they are gonna be drawn to it like a moth to a flame, or Tiger Woods to any woman but his wife(admittedly the Tiger jokes are old now that the only thing higher then is mistress count is his golf score). She should have known that eventually these pictures would come out, that's why God created a delete button(would Helen Keller be the mute button?) so things like this wouldn't get out. If anyone should know the perils of technology it should be an actress in the talking picture business where someone can see you on the big screen, punch a couple of buttons and immediately know almost everything there is to know about you.

In this TMZ age of TMI I don't understand how these celebrities are not more careful. It seems every other week there is another cellphone hacking or some tape that just happened to be discovered. There were apparently pictures of Rihanna leaked, which at least made up for her terrible music, then the other day I thought stumbled across the Paris Hilton tape, One night in Paris, turns out it was the old Fox network alien autopsy show. You never hear of anything like this happening to Megan Fox, you never see any tawdry pictures of her hit the internet, no she prefers to save all her embarrassment into marrying the nerdy guy from Beverly Hills 90210. Sure Megan Fox may have the emotional range and charisma of Astro Boy, but that doesn't mean that the demand is any less to see revealing photos. In fact, I would bet that the team of people trying to hack into that phone outnumbers the number of doctors trying to find a cure for cancer.

In closing, I did see the pictures, but only to maintain journalistic integrity, and I was only on the website to get directions on how to get away from the website. At first I was shocked and angry that someone would invade her privacy like that, and rest assured when I found out the person's name I wrote him a very angry card, just because it was attached to a fruit basket doesn't mean the words will sting any less. I also thought of how far technology has come, and how it's not necessarily good for the world, but in the end it comes down to this, it is because of technology that Justin Bieber is popular, so eventually something good had to happen to balance out that horror.

**Note** all facts are checked by my bearded sidekick, even though his catchphrase "That's a fact Jack" is getting annoying, moreso because he knows my name is not Jack.