The war on bugs

I have never been one to forecast doom or overreact to things, but I fear the apocalypse is upon us. First sign is the string of tornadoes, floods, and hurricanes that have hit North America and the world in recent years, I mean take this weekend, the only thing that blows harder then the wind in the United States right now is their economy. Secondly, we lost Trustache, yet nothing has happened to Stephen Harper, here's hoping he at least gets a hangnail or something. Thirdly, God has decided to move to the next stage of the apocalypse by sending a horde of locusts upon our province, only I guess he had no locusts left so he unleashed the only thing he could find.........daddy long legs. For those of you who haven't seen a daddy longs legs, they are like mosquitoes on steroids, and if the hundreds that reside in my backyard are any indication, they have no problem with getting in your face.

Well I say enough is enough and it's time for some change, as my roommate Jeff, our two dogs, and I have decided it's time to fight back. We are declaring beehad on every pest that we see in our back yard, that goes for every daddy long legs, spider, moth, mosquito, or neighbor that crosses our path. When I say beehad I mean it, I will post videos on the internet of me holding a magnifying glass over a daddy long legs if it will show the insolent bugs that I mean business. Now despite my appearance I am no fool, I know the bugs are smart, and I know they will adapt. I needed to study up on my enemy, I watched everything I could, the discovery channel, National Geographic, the National Spelling Bee, Seinfeld..........okay that had nothing to do with bugs but it was the Soup Nazi episode. I now feel I am prepared to take on all intruders, I have seen A Bug's Life, and now I will see a bug's life taken.

I don't know when or how this war started, for years the bugs, Jeff and I have co-existed well enough, we avoided each other mostly, sure there were some bites and some kills but other then that things went swimmingly. Then when I got Bear and Jeff got Mika and we started delving deeper into the back yard all of a sudden the daddy longs swarmed on mass. Also, I'm not sure what made the moths so vicious this year, but on a nightly basis we were getting attacked by moths not unlike Mothra in their size and ferocity. We have since gone dark(meaning we turned the porch light off) and ever since they have not been able to find us, but I know they are up there somewhere, watching.......waiting.

I don't know when this war will end(actually I do, stupid weak bugs and their inability to handle cold) all I know is I'm tired to scratching like a heroin addict, and Bear is getting really sick of the camouflage paint I put on him . Blood has been spilled on both sides, the bugs bite harder then that Vampires Suck movie, and I smack harder then Ike Turner, and I shall not rests until I eliminate all the pests.