I was faced yesterday with a problem, I had to end a relationship that I had for years, one that was good for me, I had to close my bank account I had with the Bank of Montreal. To prepare myself that the awkwardness that was to come, and the expected bunch of questions, such as why are you leaving us? is there someone else? can't you give us another chance? I decided to take a walk to clear my head. My walk took me around the legendary Signal hill, site of Marconi's first trans-Atlantic message or something like that, you know what history doesn't mention is that he actually lost reception, so there ya have it Newfoundland, we are the site of the first ever dropped call.
On the way home the time came to do the deed, to walk in there, face all the accusing eyes, and get it over with. I planned to do it quick, rip it off like a band-aid, but I figured they would keep me there, beg me to stay but I did not expect what happened next. I went up and said it's over, I'm done, I had found a newer sexier bank and their response was.........OK. There was no shock, there was no tears, there was no feeling, it's as if they were relieved, like they were going to do it first but I saved them the trouble. Now I know I'm not the most caring person in the world, but this seemed low even for me. I mean even the time when I rejected the mail order bride cause her mustache was bigger then mine I still felt bad for giving her the wrong name and slamming the door in her face. I even bought Svetlana a ticket back home.....or as far as Corner Brook, I can't really remember, but hey there's a lot of things in Corner Brook, I mean, they have PULP and PAPER, yeah yeah I know, had pulp and paper.
They took what little money I left in that account, for the monthly fee, and charged for saying that I used the bank machines too many times, but truly it is me who feels used. I gave you several good years of my life and this is how you repay me, by leaving me emptier then a BP oil container, leaving me lonelier then Betty White at a Golden Girls reunion. Well shame on you Bank of Montreal, for you see much like the Elephant Man I am a human being(and I enjoy peanuts) and if you cut me I do bleed, and Bank of Montreal you cut me deep just now.
For now I'm just gonna sit here wallowing in my half pint of ice cream, and for a while it's gonna be awkward when I pass you on the street, but time heals all wounds (unless they are fatal) and eventually I'll forget you ever existed. One think that I hope was not lost in the awkwardness of our separation, was the irony of the whole thing, I mean really it's not every day you see a Canadian trying to separate from something from Quebec.
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