The chicken hero saga 18: Take a little trip with me

    It was a beautiful day in the harvest, cold because the winter winds blew this time of year, but unlike other realms the chicken hero heard of, when winter came at the harvest, it did not bring trouble or slow moving creatures, with the exception of Charlieus the pot scrubber. The hero was working away when he heard the relentless squawking of a flock of birds, as he stopped to enjoy the scene of them flying in unison he was disappointed to learn that it was just the take out maidens, as they walked by deep in their incessant chatter he shook his head, they were always squawking about something. It was going to be an important couple of days at the harvest as a member of the Council of Elders was coming to teach a new food item, it was still chicken of course, it was usually chicken, except when it was cow that one time, but this time the chicken would be placed in a boiling pot of oil, rumours were rampant that this idea came about due to how King Wittacus of Stagg dealt with any member of his regime that failed him. The hero and the rest of the staff were busy cleaning the harvest, polishing this, tucking this under there, hiding Jefficus the fry maker so he couldn't talk to the council member.
  Today the hero would be working with Zacharia, now there were a lot of unique people in the harvest, and Zacharia was no different, for he was a shape shifter, he didn't really exploit this ability like you figure most would, often times he looked like good ol Zacharia but sometimes he could make himself look like Joshias the tall, or Jamieus the hemp smoking elf, whichever one he felt like working that day. As the day went on and the hero prepared the meals and cleaned the harvest he began to feel hungry, and luckily enough as he began to seek out sustenance a serving maiden appeared with a large tray of chocolate cookies, saying that a mysterious cloaked person dropped them off at one of the tables and left, when the hero asked if she thought this was suspicious she responded
  "Well Karenus ate like three as soon as they laid them down and she seems fine"
  The hero was weary of the cookies but he was also hungry, and while he had won many battles during his time at the harvest, the battle with his stomach was one that could never win. He devoured the cookie and never felt any immediate effects but he still felt the need to investigate, he looked around at all the other members of the harvest, one of the maidens had expressed worry about Kevinus the cleaner, saying he had eaten one cookie and had been sat in the same spot for hours, he looked at the take out maidens, somehow they were managing to eat the cookies and still incessantly chatter without choking, it appeared that the cookies were legitimate, perhaps he would have another. As he approached the tray, three things surprised him, the first was that were cookies left at all, the second was that nobody had lost a hand, and the last was that weird voice he suddenly heard
  "You don't want to eat another one of those cookies, for they are cursed, they make you see things that aren't there"
  "I doubt that" responded the hero "Everyone seems fine, now step aside giant chicken and let me get more sustenance"
  The hero kept walking eagerly toward the tray when he stopped in his tracks, the only giant chicken he knew was Cluckus and he was off in battle, suddenly he felt woozy, the earth began to spin, he felt like he had just gotten out of Petrus the thirds wagon, and all of a sudden nothing looked right, Byronus the dwarf had grown to eight feet tall, Joshias the tall had shrunk down to a dwarf, Bogeyus, man of numbers and literature was working, no no things were not normal at the harvest. The hero knew he needed to clear his mind, and he had to get food, he was so hungry, how did Jamieus the hemp smoking elf not gain five hundred pounds? And did his feet still work? These questions clogged his mind, his usual tremendous focus was gone, he knew he had to help the people of the harvest but he just wanted to eat chips of potato. Suddenly he saw his beautiful Anastasia, truly a vision whether his mind was clear or not
  "What has happened here?"
  "Some mysterious stranger brought in cookies, the giant chicken told me not to trust them, but hey I've grown an extra finger so they can't be all bad right?"
  "Giant chicken, extra finger, townspeople giving us things instead of yelling at us, something doesn't add up, did anybody get a good look at the person's face?"
  "No Karenus just grabbed the tray and the said thank you as the person slowly walked away"
  The hero tried to fight through the fog in his mind to come up with a solution, he had heard that Marias had become a witch since being banished from the harvest, he knew it was a long shot but if they reached out to her maybe she had a potion that could help, but he did not know how to contact her and he was without his usual sharp thinking.
  "I have an idea, come with me" said Anastasia
  Finding him still on his perch she grabbed Kevinus the cleaner by his arm
  "It's no good" the hero cried "Kevinus ate the cookie too, he's been sat there for hours"
  "No, I didn't have either cookie" Kevinus said sounding confused
  "Kevinus, I need you make food, something that is not usually prepared at the harvest" said Anastasia throwing bowls and pots at him
 "Well that's a little strange but okay"
  Kevinus set out to prepare chicken in a different way than usual and in an instant a puff of smoke appeared and a voice trembled
  "Do you have any for me"
  There before them stood Marias, looking as ageless as ever
 "How did you know how to summon me" Marias asked
 "Ummm lucky guess" replied Anastasia "We need your help, the harvest has been hit with some kind of potion, we need your help to fix it"
 "This is what I will need, the ground up bones of a chicken, the ear of a wild pig, one live frog, the feather of the Eagle that lives on the highest tree, some tree resin, wild berries, the finger of a dwarf, and some salt and pepper"
  Without delay Anastasia set out to find those things, some would be harder than others of course, luckily she was surrounded by chicken bones and Byronus the dwarf was working that day, and had fingers to spare so those came easy. As she hopped on her trusty steed Brody she ran into Karenus, saying she was off to find the cure for those cookies
  "Who needs a cure?" Karenus asked "If that person was still here I would kiss their wrinkly face"
  Anastasia rode like the wind, luckily her trusty steed Brody was rarely tired and could run for days if she needed, as she tried to think about things she needed she also thought of Marias, how it was nice to see her again after the way she had been banished, and that time had not been kind to her, she had even more wrinkles than before
  "More....wrinkles......oh no"
   With realization set in Anastasia set back for the harvest to find everyone down on the ground except the hero who was tied to a spit with his own trusty chicken string, and Kevinus who was back sitting on his perch
  "Kevinus, what spell did she use to make you paralyzed"
  "What spell? What do you mean?"
  Anastasia knew she had to stop Marias, but she had grown powerful, it would take all her wit and cunning to stop her
  "Look, somebody ordered food and didn't need it"
  With that Marias turned sharply around, using the distraction Anastasia untied the hero from his trusty chicken string and flung it towards Marias bounding her tightly.
  "YOU WILL NEVER HOLD ME, I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE ON PETRUS THE SECOND"
  "How about I give you this free food and you remove the spell from everyone?"
  "Can I have a little extra?"
  "Sure"
   All of a sudden everyone came too, the hero was groggy, he looked at Anastasia
  "Sorry for sitting this one out, you did fine work"
  "Thanks, how do you feel?"
  "I am okay, my memory is hazy, I think I was supposed to write about when the villagers were afraid of gluten but I can't remember"
  "That's good, I am glad, now lets go home"
  As the hero walked with Anastasia he was proud of her, it was different being the one having to be saved, he looked at her admirably, then he looked past her at the vision behind her, a face from the past, surely another hallucination, but he felt fine, but the words he heard were no illusion
  "Hello Hero"
 
  "Hello.....Deboner"

The chicken hero saga 17: Then and now and what's to come

     It had been an exiting few months for the hero and the harvest, too bad his official historian's quill had broke so he couldn't write about it. What's that you say? Why couldn't he just get a new quill, you see only the finest writing instruments could be used to tell such a grand tale, and to get a new quill the historian had to make a long trek through many lands to find a rare mallard, then remove it's center feather and drain the water off him, it was worth it when people saw the historian's beautiful writing, when ask if he resented the hero for making him go to such lengths for the beautiful ink, the historian usualy just said it really was water off a ducks back. Some months ago Maria, the eldest of the harvest had been sat down by the council and told she could no longer perform her duties due to fears and concerns of the townsfolk, as she was being led out the door she tried to place a curse on the head of the harvest Petrus the second of his name, the hero watched as they led Maria away, he knew she would land on her near decrepit feet and that blast he heard a short time later was just a mere coincidence.
     Maria wasn't the only one that had departed, Tylerus had left for the great land of Torontus to help build doors and windows for new huts, leaving his sister in the care of Jamieus the magical elf, he promised to take great care of her and breed many strong sons, though his own weakness was quite legendary.
    Also newsworthy was the return of Petrus the third of his name, who had left the harvest to help oversee the harvest in Pearl Mountain, he doesn't say much of his time there, when asked he just usually falls into a fetal position and cries. However, upon his travels from the armpit that is Pearl Mountain he met a mystic from a roving band of gypsies, he was able to barter a deal for the few beans he had in his pocket for a magical drawing tool that made whatever he sketched come to life, now some people thought it was forged by Lucifer himself from fires hotter than even their hottest of ovens, causing the hero to quip that it was sketchy as hell, which caused everyone to burst out in laughter, cause everyone laughed when the hero quipped, well there was that one time that one person didn't, they were later banished.
    Then there was the day when one of the council of elders stumbled on an unmanned heard of cattle and thought that they could be useful in the chicken harvest. It was decreed from on high that from now on the chicken harvest would also be the cow harvest. They were going to throw all their resources into it, grain, corn, wood, whatever it took. The council wanted this to be the best meat the townsfolk had ever eaten so they assembled a team of apothecaries from every corner of the earth to create a new way of cooking, and lo they created a formula that the cow would slowly cook at the dawning of the sun and would not be ready till the dawning of the morrow. By this time the elder in charge of the cows had become quite mad and when he saw the formula at work he exclaimed
   "Now that's COWAZY"
    That was enough for the rest of the council, tired of his cow craziness they banded together and threw him into the eternal chicken fire, his screams of  "COW THAT'S HOT" were the last words ever herd from him.
   The busy season had started at the harvest and as people have done throughout the ages the townsfolk flocked in droves to feast and revel in the merriment. The dawning of this day would bring the celebration of the Black Friday, the day when the sun did not rise and the townsfolk took to looting all the stores, and on the morrow of the morrow was the local village parade where the villages worshipped a false idol in the form of a bearded fat man and hoped to get presents. This busy season had already done some weird things to the workers at the harvest, Kennius the cook, partaker of Jamieus' magical plant was broken two days in, left a mere shell of himself walking around only muttering the phrase "Stuffing......stuffing.....stuffing" over and over again. Bogeyus, man of numbers and literature just walked around all day counting and screaming "I HAVE TO ORDER MORE, THERE'S NOT GONNA BE ENOUGH" despite that fact that were perhaps seven of those things already, he finally reached his breaking point one day when the hero asked if they could get a certain thing and he grabbed his ordering quill, pointed it high in the sky and screamed " I HAVE THE POWER" then pointing the quill towards his cat as if it would transform into a huge beast. The hero knew of only on man who could do that, and Bogeyus was not that man.
   The hero was enjoying these days, he was happy with his fair young maiden Annastasia, walking his trusty steed Bear who was also a dog, and she walking her trusty steed Brody who was also a dog. it was quiet, no evil villains to speak of, perhaps he had found the contentment he had always longed for. Then, just he and Annastasia were enjoying the peace and quiet they saw a flock of townsfolk running, one of them, who appeared to be the leader screaming
  "DON'T EAT THE GLUTEN YOU WILL GET SICK"
  Annastasia looked at our hero with a quizzical look "What was that about?"
  The hero just looked and responded "I"m not sure but I think our peace and quiet is over"

In Rod we trust..........until we don't

  Throughout the rich and interesting history of Newfoundland its people have always thought of it as the little engine that could. Our history of hard times, brutal weather, and love of salt meat have given gave us a thick skin that could weather all the abuse we took from other provinces, and the rest of the world. Then something happened, up through the ground came a bubblin crude and all of a sudden we had money, we could buy things, and our thick skin went away. Now if you anyone across the world bad mouths our traditions the pitchforks come out, we have gone from a province with a strong sense of community to not being afraid to yell and and deride the elderly.
  It was a beautiful fall day in July when Rod Stewart took the stage at Confederation Hill to a throng of adoring fans. Everyone was happy and singing all the songs they grew up with, decked out in their summer parkas and tuques, and everyone was in awe of Rod, here he was, 200 years old and still moving like a 100 year old, busting a hip across the stage. Earlier in the day after experiencing good ol fashioned Newfoundland weather first hand Rod Stewart went into a local store that sells fur coats and asked for some clothes to make sure his back up dancers wouldn't freeze, the owner of the store saw an opportunity and he took it, in most cases that is what heroes do, in this case it is what people looking for publicity do. After putting Rod into a sealskin coat he asked for a picture, hey you can't fault him for it, you do what you got to do to make a buck, and if it gets you noticed then it worked, and boy did it get him noticed.
  Now for anyone who doesn't know, Newfoundlanders are sensitive when it comes to the seal hunt and it's history. Opponents of the seal hunt are all like "DON'T YOU HURT THAT SEAL" and Newfoundlanders are like "GET BENT" so it was not a surprise that when the picture of Rod in the sealskin coat went viral provincial pride was at an all time high. I haven't seen the province come together like this since the first episode of Republic of Doyle. Reactions were mixed between pumped and SUPER pumped, Rod was the man, and Paul McCartney could suck it, and other celebrities who dared speak ill of the seal hunt could suck it, we didn't need you anyway, we had Rod on our side. It is like we finally had the support of the coolest kid in class, we were accepted, we were somebody.
  We were also jumping the gun, for you see eventually the fog lifts and people get to go home, which is what Rod did, and he saw the picture, and no doubt saw the heat he was taking the the anti-seal hunt people. Rod came out, said he was upset that the picture of him went online, he doesn't actually support our seal hunting ways and suddenly became the most hated man on Confederation Hill since Cathy Dunderdale. People jumped down his velvety throat when he said he didn't know anything about the industry but didn't support it, and made fun of him for it. Hey, I barely know anything about sex trafficking but I don't support it, who has sex in traffic anyway? All those cars honking at you. People lit the torches they should have used for warmth on the hill and were ready to burn Rod at the stake, of course they won't get their chance, he's gone now, likely never to come back if he's seen the reactions at all, and this ladies and gentlemen is why we can't have nice things.
  It is hard enough to get big acts to come here as it is, most of them don't even know where we are, hell the Eagles thought they were in Ontario, though that's probably because they had dehydration due to lack of water at Salmon Fest. If we, as a province, can't learn to let things go and let everything bother us we deserve to have Shannyganock as headliners at every big show, which is not a knock on them, they are a great local band. So what if Rod Stewart says he didn't know what the coat was made of, I don't know what any of my coats are made of, and everyone has pictures of themselves on the Internet they don't want there, and probably didn't know were there. I'm not on anyone's side here, there are always going to be groups that support killingof things and not killing of things, even Jesus was in the middle of one of those battles. It's like our province is on is one one of those dating sites and thought we had  finally found someone who understood us, till they left us in the cold, but don't worry everybody there's plenty of seals in the sea.

Chicken Hero Saga Chapter 16: Putting walls between us

 The chicken hero didn't know quite what to make of the situation that faced him. For the first time since he could remember he didn't have anything witty or sarcastic to say, as he looked around at the bodies of his fallen harvesters his expression was blank, he worked with these people, mostly enjoyed their company, how did it get to this? He looked straight ahead and he knew, as he saw the giant wall, once white, now covered in red, he had never faced anything like this before.


**********Two days earlier***********


  Today at the harvest all hands were on deck, for it was the feast of Black Friday, the one day of the year there was no sun and the village was left in perpetual darkness. To appease the gods all merchants slashed their wares to ridiculous prices causing throngs of people to flock to their wagons and markets. The chicken hero didn't quite see the appeal of everyone fighting over objects, but it certainly worked better than Black Plague Friday, even if there was almost as many casualties. The hero arrived at the harvest and instantly noticed that something was different, the harvest seemed smaller than usual, there was a giant wall where before there was no giant wall. This wall blocked the access from his station to where the villagers dined. How did this wall get here? he asked himself, was it the work of the dreaded Deboner, no it was all quiet on that front, as far as he knew he was still dead, was it one of the other dreaded villains he had faced, he didn't remember their names, surely he could have went back to check but who has time for that.
  The wall wasn't the only thing he noticed, the air felt heavier, sure it was quieter, and it blocked out some of the more annoying serving wenches, but the harvest felt more claustrophobic, more confined. He had heard examples of walls being put up all over the world, it was usually to keep the dark people in check, the ones who could control the dark spirits. He heard about one really long wall in the far east, he didn't know much about it, only that it was pretty great. There was something off about this wall though, he could not put his finger on it, cause every time he touched it there was a spark that jolted him backwards. He didn't have a good feeling about this, mostly cause he was numb from the shock of the wall, but also because he had that familiar feeling that it was going to get worse before it got better.

**********The next day***********

   The chicken hero didn't know how things had escalated so quickly, everywhere he looked around the harvest his co-harvesters were at each other's throats, this was not who they were, it was supposed to them versus everybody, not them versus them. The pressure never got to them before, they had known the busy season and always gotten through it, something was different now, it was the wall, some kind of force trapped inside was causing them to turn on each other, some of the serving wenches even said that if you listened closely enough you could hear a voice inside there, which shocked the chicken hero, he didn't think they ever listened. The chicken hero knew what he had to do, a plan must be made, that wall had to come down, he had experienced a lot of awkward silences in his time; however, all the silences at work were making it difficult. He could not do this alone, it was time to rally the troops.
   First he sought out his brother Robbieus the strong, who could throw objects and send them hurdling two villages over, next he went looking for the mighty gronk Brendor, whose ability to smash was unmatched. Next came Bogeyus, man of literaure and numbers, who could order the tools they needed, even if some were special orders and they could not be gotten by regular means. Next came Jamieus the hemp smoking leprachaun, the chicken hero figured he could try to climb the wall because he liked getting high. Last came Allysiaus, well mostly because she stumbled in on the planning and they could not get rid of her, plus her shrill voice could make anything want to go away. Everyone was up to speed on the plan, everyone was ready, they would meet the next day, as they were leaving Brendor let out a mighty scream
 "TOMORROW WALL YOU MEET THE WALLBANGERS"
  "Ahahahahahahaha" giggled Jamieus
  "Don't call us that" said the hero ".....well maybe Allysiaus" he added.

 ************The day it all went wrong***********

  It was just them now, as the hero looked at the big dumb inanimate object he moved Brendor out of the way so he could see the wall better. He could swear it was glowing, but it could have been the sun's reflection. Bogeyus was the first to try, he had been up all night doing mathematical calculations trying to figure out the proper place to attack the wall, as he approaced the wall he started to cough, but the immense power of his smoker's lung was not phasing the wall, it stood strong, it did not bend or break, Bogeyus coughed and coughed with all he had till he passed out. Unphased our heroes proceeded, it was now the turn of Robbieus, he throw many objects at the wall but they just bounced off, unfortunately as Bogeyus was starting to awaken he was hit by one of the objects and rendered unconscious again. Running out of things to throw Robbie picked up Byronus the dwarf who happened to walk by, with a mighty heave he launched him into the air and with a mighty thud Byronus hit the wall, landing on top of Bogeyus who had just started to stir. It was now the turn of Brendor, he knew he would have to smash like he had never smashed before, he moved back as far as he could, smoke poured from his nostrils like a raging bull and with a loud BRENDOR SMASH he was off, but he was no match for the wall, and he fell down into the heap.
  It was now the turn of Allysiaus, she simply walked up to the wall and started telling it a story, as the chicken hero had instructed her to do, she kept talking and talking but the wall stayed in one piece, surely it had the resolve of steel, finally, mercifully Allysiaus lost her voice collapsing to the ground clutching her throat. It was now the turn of Jamieus the hemp smoking leprachaun who was........already in the pile of bodies, he had fallen asleep. Frustrated now the hero started throwing whatever he could at the wall, plates, glasses, the bottle of red Grenadine Elixir they used for kids drinks. Just then the chicken hero heard a familiar voice, was it coming from the wall, no it was coming from alongside him, it was Anna the palindromic one, digger of truth.
 "What happened here?"
 "We tried to take down the wall that was causing all the fighting, we needed to get out, how did you get in here?"
  "I.....just walked around the corner"
  And with that the chicken hero noticed an opening to get around the wall
  "Hmm, a secret passageway, very clever"
  "No, no...it was always here" added Anna whose name was the same in forward or reverse
  "I can't believe there was a secret door"
   "But there wasn't........yes there was a secret door"
  In the days that followed they learned to live with the wall, they had even gotten used to it, and if there was a silver lining to it, it would be several more days before Allysiaus got her voice back.

The chicken hero saga 15: The Book of Faces

   As the hero lay bound on the table he had a feeling like he never had before, impending doom. Would this be the untimely end of the hero? He had so much left to do, he had to finish that puzzle he was working on, he had to finish that loaf of bread before it got moldy, he hated when that happened. The hero fought relentlessly to free himself but as he looked up he knew it was too late, the giant chicken was swinging his cleaver and now it was the hero's turn to be quartered. Just as the knife was about to hit him he awoke in a cold sweat, it was all just a dream, it was always just a dream. Fully awake now and since it was morning the hero arose, he lit a fire to warm some bread, but it was too late, the mold had started to spread, he saw red at the site of the green and tossed the remaining loaf into the fire, he needed a walk to calm himself down. There seemed to be a lot of people out this morning, lining the village roads, but they didn't seem to be doing anything, they all had books in their hands and were staring at them.
   As the hero walked along the road to find out what was happening the villagers started screaming out the weirdest things as they flipped through the pages.
  "I like this" one person screamed
  "Why would anybody draw a picture of that poor animal being hurt, I'm seriously considering never looking at this book again until this stops."
  Just then the villagers looked up at the hero and surrounded him, asking if they could be his friend.
  "But I thought I was your friend already" the hero remarked.
  "It doesn't count unless it shows it in the Book of Faces"
   "BOOK OF FACES......BOOK OF FACES.....BOOK OF FACES" the mob shouted.
    The hero had never heard tell of this Book of Faces before, he had not seen anything like what had come over the townspeople, those that were once hardworking industrious people now spent their time scrolling through this book commenting on whatever they saw. As he walked through the mob of people he heard more people shout.
   "I wish I could like this a thousand times over" shouted one villager.
   " No no no I do not like this at all but there is no way I can not like, the ability is not there." shouted another.
   The hero was becoming concerned, he had not seen the villagers so spellbound since the time the harvest started giving out balls of chocolate with their meals at the end of every year. Surely this was the work of some kind of sorcerer, the black arts had to be at work somehow. As he neared the harvest, he heard more shouting but the people weren't making sense.
  "Of course this happens to me......ugh"
  " What happened to you? Can I be of assistance?" the hero questioned
  " I don't want to talk about it" the villager responded
  The hero questioned why people started talking so vaguely, it had to be the book, whatever this book was nothing good was coming from it. He arrived at the harvest thinking he would be safe from the lunacy that was occurring outside, but as he looked around the strangeness continued. All around the serving wenches and kitchen guys were crushing little candies, trying to line them up in a pattern and then destroying them. From all over the harvest they shouted at him.
  "Come crush these candies with us" they said inviting him to come play.
  "Help me crush these candies, I am dying and need a life"
   "Do you require medical attention?" the hero asked confusedly
  The hero knew he had to do something, he had to find who was responsible, on the way out of the harvest he was stopped by Bogeyus, man of literature and numbers.
   "Be my friend hero" they had even gotten to Bogeyus, was nobody safe?
  As he scanned the city looking for anything suspicious, well more suspicious then how the villagers were acting he came across a little boy on the road, the boy was covering his mouth coughing, and look sickly white.
  "What is the matter little child?"
  " Mr. Hero I have the plague, the doctor has the cure but told me he needs to get likes from all the villagers before he will give me the potion, my mom and dad are gone asking the people to like him."
  The insanity knew no bounds, just then the town judge came riding along on his wagon, the hero approached him hurriedly.
  "Your honor, there is a doctor who will not operate on people unless the people like him, you have to stop this."
  "I'm sorry hero new laws make this perfectly legal, if you read this parchment it says so right here under the part where it says couples are not legally together unless it is enacted and made official in the Book of Faces."
  Before he could ask who created this book the judge was gone. The hero looked around, all over there were people having arguments over the stupidest things, people were drawing pictures of their food, a group of girls were taking pictures of themselves resembling a duck for some reason. He had to put an end to this madness, approaching a villager he had an idea.
  "I need to borrow your book of faces" he wrote on the pad, creator of the Book of Faces and the name of the sorcerer magically appeared, Zuckerus.
  "How did you find him so fast?" the villager questioned.
  "Well if you look closely it shows you that over time The Book of Faces can track your location and all your vital information."
  "WHAT, they can't do that, they are spying on us, I'm going to run and tell everybody."
  Now that he knew who he was looking for, and just where he was the hero set out to find Zuckerus the evil sorcerer. As he approached the ivory tower he expected something a little darker for such a purveyor of evil and deceit. As he moved forward a voice boomed.
  "You think you can stop my Book of Faces, I have millions of people all over the world in my army and if I fall they will unleash havoc upon you."
  "Book of Faces, more like Book of Feces" he was disappointed that no one was around to hear that line.
  "Come out Zuckerus, show yourself to me, I just want to be friends"
  Suddenly Zuckerus appeared, wasting no time the hero let fly his trusty chicken string, but Zuckerus disappeared in a flash.
  "You think I didn't know you were coming, I have messengers everywhere" Just then Zuckerus appeared again levelling the hero and knocking him over.
  As the hero started to get up there was noise off in the distance and huge cloud of dust, thousands of people were marching towards them.
  "Look it's my army, all my Book of Faces users come to watch me end you"
  The look on the face of Zuckerus changed when the angry mob surrounded him and started to stomp him.
  "This is for invading my privacy" one screamed
  "This is for nobody liking what I say" screamed another
  "This is for my food getting cold cause I have to draw a picture of it to show everyone" screamed another."
  The hero stood and walked away from the chaos as the mob continued to attack. As he headed home he saw a bird in a tree, there was something menacing about that bird, but he couldn't put his finger on it, he didn't know why but the sounds the bird made ran shivers up his spine.
 Tweet Tweet.

The Chicken hero saga 14: Maria's curse Part II

  The night sky was becoming as dark as an African.........night, he was distracted by some moving object and had trouble finishing that last thought. He would need to focus now though, for trouble was coming. Had it been that long already? Maria wondered aloud, a thousand years went by seemingly in the blink of an eye, but the hero didn't have time to listen to the polite ramblings of the old woman as off in the distance he saw a figure emerging from the darkness, they were short in stature, for a moment he had hoped it was the long awaited return of Byronus, but that could not be possible, for after being thrown by Robbius the strong a fortnight ago there were still reports of him sailing through the air. People were actually using him as a unit of measurement for travel, telling people that if they wanted to go to the next village all they had to do was go as straight as the Byronus flies.
  The figure was cloaked but he could tell it was a woman, yes he knew what woman this was, it was the witch that had cursed Maria. She removed her cloak and a rare look of horror crept over the face of the hero, her face resembled the skin of a chicken left laying around for days, her voice was the harshest sound he had ever heard, and he had heard Allysius speak in her high pitched gibberish. Time had not been kind to this decrepit old hag, and he had a feeling that she was not going to be kind to him.
  "Come on Maria, we have to run till I can figure out a plan"
   But it was the middle of the day, despite the darkness, and everyone knew that Maria didn't run well in the middle of the day. The hero picked up whatever he could find and threw it in the path of the witch, who was now gaining, doing whatever he could to block her path, he even grabbed a nearby baby and showed it to a group of serving wenches, causing a circle formation that was hard for the witch to get around and would buy them some time. On the way they were met by Jamieus the hemp smoking leprechaun, when the hero told him what was coming Jamieus had no fear.
  "Sure that's nothing, she only needs a hug, and I'm just the one to give it to her"
  "You don't understand Jamieus, she is going to swallow us up in a big dark hole"
  "HA, that's what she said"
   "That is exactly what she said, she was screaming it at us when she was approaching"
    The hero grabbed Jamieus and led him and Maria to find a place where he could think, he looked back and saw and the old woman getting closer and closer, he wondered why Maria couldn't move that way, The hero saw the lights of the harvest drawing near and he knew he couldn't let the darkness overtake it, for nobody in that village wanted anything do with dark, they were all white, white, white. The hero now stopped running, he had a plan, he urged Jamieus to run and get the giant Brendanus, their trio had dominated in the sport of hurling, he stopped and urged Maria to run before everything got cold....and dark. He set up a net using his trusty and effective chicken string, hoping it would hold until Jamieus and Brendanus returned. The old woman ran straight into the string, it was working, she was being held back, but then she wasn't, through some witchcraft the string disintegrated, he could wait no longer, he took out his hurling ball and threw, a good shot, it hit her, she wobbled and did not fall over, he threw another, but missed, he silently cursed his wild inconsistency. Then from behind to the left came a whirling orb that ended up hitting the witch head on knocking her far back, before he even heard the all too familiar words he knew what had happened.
  "Did you see the curve on that, what a hook" roared the giant Brendanus
  Jamieus stood by with an approving look until a huge gust of air sent him flying into the night, the hero and Brendanus stood stopped in their tracks as a bigger gust of air sent Brendanus flying. She had recovered well for a woman who was thousands of years old. It was just them now.
  "Why do you run boy, is it so hard to be polite that you would rather flee then talk to me, well your problems are almost over, for soon the only words these wretched fools will no how to say will be Hello, and how are you, and excuse me dear, and there is nothing you can do about it."
  "Listen lady.....ish thing, whatever you are, I have manners, I was always told to help old ladies across the village streets, and now I'm gonna help you across the street, INTO HELL."
  Feeling proud of himself for that last line he charged.....backwards, as a gust of air knocked him over, dazed he looked up to see the witch standing over him, her bony hand nearing his face.
  "With one touch you will be under my command, you will be cursed like the girl was cursed......."
  Just then she stopped talking, her hand stopped moving, she was frozen in fear, what is that could possibly scare this supernatural entity, the hero crawled backwards and looking behind him he could see what stopped her, emerging from the darkness came the pasty frame of the far undressed Bogeyus, man of numbers and literature. The image that once haunted the hero now haunted her.
  "My eyes have never seen such small amounts of denim pantalooms, or such amounts of wool for feet coverings, the horror..........the horror, the curse is not worth this."
  With that the old hag was gone, and the skies lightened, it appeared the trouble was over, they were safe for the next thousand years, or at least till the next threat came along. Bogeyus looked at the hero with a confused look on his face.
  "Who was that, one of the villagers complaining"
  "Um something like that, she said something about wanting all dark and not getting it, I'm glad you showed up Bogeyus, now lets go get you some longer pantalooms."

The Chicken Hero saga 13: Marias Curse Part 1

   It was a sweltering day in the chicken harvest as the sun beat down endlessly, it was so hot that our hero thought he could actually fry an egg on pavement, if pavement had actually existed.
  "Note to self" he thought while writing an idea down "Invent pavement."
   It was a slow time of year at the harvest, the good weather combined with business being divided between the villages of Kelsius and Pearl Mountain was taking it's toll on the amount of villagers who came in to dine, sure they were still prosperous but the extended downtime led to some interesting ways to keep busy. Games were created to kill the boredom, though some often backfired such as when a rousing game of throw the dwarf went wrong after Robbias, who had the strength of ten men launched Byronus some two towns over and he was not heard from again.
   The hero feared boredom sometimes, because he did not trust it, he knew if the times were uneventful now that something would happen later to make up for it. The Chicken king was still out there though he had defeated him and his kickin chickens once, and something in his stomach told him he had not yet seen the last of the Deboner, for he knew he was not that easy to eliminate, no he was quite hard indeed. With the sun keeping all the villagers outside and a shortage of little people around to throw the hero needed something to keep himself occupied, he liked stories, he considered himself a man of literature, he had read that book that time, so he decided to go around and ask his fellow harvesters for a story he could listen to. As the hero set out find out more about his harvesters he was stopped in his tracks, frozen by the horror that was in front of him. The hero stood straight, unmoving, he had never known fear before, he had fought many battles but never had evil come this close to home, for there in front of him stood the co-harvest manager Bogias, man of numbers and books, clad in tiny panatlooms made of denim, a shirt with the sleeves removed and socks darned from the wool of what appeared to be two sheep. His pasty legs and torso showed an uncanny ability to avoid the sun's rays, and his hairless body, the stuff of legend, looking like a guinea pig that just escaped the womb of it's mother.
    For the first time in his brave life the hero knew he must flee, with a quick hello he went off in the other direction in search of anything he could do to cut the image out of his brain, for it would haunt him for the rest of his days. On the way to find something to scrub his brain clean, he ran past Marias who made sure to say hello to him, he was moving so fast he almost never said hello back but then he thought of the story he had heard, it was known that Marias was cursed in the long long ago, that she had to stop and say hello to everyone, and if the greetings were not returned, the curse would be passed on to that person. Looking for anything to take his mind off the horrors he had witnessed previously he went up to her with an offering of food, for she had a hearty appetite even over the age of a thousand.
    "Hello Marias" the hero called to her "I was wondering if you ever get frustrated having to say hello to every single person you meet?"
    "Well you know dear-she called everybody dear- it was rough for the first hundred years, I lived in the mountains for a long time because if you scream hello, it echoes for days and that saves a lot of time, there is always a loophole, remember that dear."
    "Do you mind if I ask you the story of how it happened?"
    "Not at all dear, I've told this story many times. It was back in the long long ago when the earth was orbited by nine planets, and you can bet Uranus that Pluto was one of them, it was said that when these nine planets aligned darkness would take over the earth and it only happens every thousand years or so. I was just a girl then, I remember I was in the yard playing with my pet Mastodon.....Fuzzy was his name."
    "Oh Fuzzy was he?
    "No, not really dear, Fuzzy had no hair"
    "Oh so Fuzzy wasn't Fuzzy, was he?"
    "That's not the point dear, anyway where was I? Oh yes I was playing with Fuzzy when the skies darkened, I had never seen such darkness, even the so called Dark Ages were brighter than you would think. I ran into to tell my father, but I could not talk well at the time for I was so young and I said daddy daddy the darks is coming, and at first he taught the slaves had gotten free and was going to defend our home. Then he looked outside and he saw how dark it was and he said we had to run, and there was little time. So I grabbed what things I could and Fuzzy and we made a run for it, I wasn't sure what was happening but I knew things weren't right."
   Marias stopped and looked in the sky and she shivered as if remembering something horrifying. The hero stopped and saw the image of Bogias, and he shivered at the memory of something horrifying.
   "In our rush to flee our village I bumped into an older woman, I did not see her face because of the cloak she had on, let this be a lesson dear, never trust anyone in a cloak. I was so scared that I did not say hello to this woman, I just wanted to catch up with my parents and Fuzzy, as I went to move she grabbed my arm with her bony fingers and told me I was a mean little child for not saying hello, and she begin to chant this weird spell, when she was done she told me that I was now cursed, that I would live for thousands of years and have to say hello to everyone, and if they didn't say it back, they too would be cursed, apparently while evil she still believed in being polite. For the first hundred years it was rough, I do not want to say hello to everyone, not everyone deserves it, but I do not want anyone else to suffer this fate so I go out of my way to make sure they say hello back, hoping someday I will find that woman and the curse will be lifted."
   The hero hugged Marias and thanked her for telling him, but something else stopped in him in his tracks, no it wasn't just the horrible image of Bogias this time, it was another thought
   "Marias, did you say the darkness only comes every thousand years?"
   "Yes dear, why?"
   "Because look at how dark it is over on the horizon"
   "Oh no dear, it's time again"
   The hero looked off in the distance, he knew trouble was coming and that in fact the slow times were over, and he thought maybe the darkness might bring back the cloaked woman, and he could lift Marias curse, this story was far from over, it would definitely be continued.