The Chicken Hero Saga Chapter 1: Gotta Start Somewhere

 This is a story forged in a time that no longer exists, written for people who are now ghosts of the past.  It is the story of a man destined to serve and feed the people of his town at all costs.  His name not known by the villagers he served, he was simply referred to as Hey you, which he accepted even though to him it sounded too Asian.  As a young boy he lived as he was supposed to, despite being a chubby kid with an inner ear imbalance he walked the straight and narrow, he was schooled by the state, as were most kids.  When he became old enough to seek higher education the council of elders that led the territory wanted him to succeed so bad they loaned him the money for his studies, and kept on loaning him money until his studies were complete.  This seemed like a great idea at the time to the young lad, until his studies went nowhere, and he was then forced to pay back all the money bestowed upon him. 

  The boy hid for as long as he could, flying far below the radar that had not yet been invented, until he could run no more, and decided to pay the proverbial Ferryman, though he didn't fix a price.  The council demanded he pay everything back at once, to which the boy responded with something his mother told him as a lad "you can't get blood from a turnip" she would say, which confused him because he would only ask her what his name was. After numerous scientific experiments to prove that in fact turnips had no blood, the council brought down two verdicts. First, the boy would be forced to pay off his debt at a place known as the chicken harvest. Secondly, turnips were now considered vampires and ordered to be boiled and mashed on site. 

  Arriving at the chicken harvest, he was amazed at what he saw, chickens as far as he could see, he was hypnotized-and a little dizzy- as he watched them spin in the huge fire pits until they turned a golden brown.  He was met by the manager Petrus of the Collins clan, he was a good man whose laugh could be heard a clear two towns over. He was relieved to see Petrus, for his father had been the brother of the boy's mother so it was nice to see a friendly face. You can imagine then how relieved he was then when he saw the giant of a man known as Robbieus, his brother, he felt strongly for his brother, his legend and majestic voice were known throughout the land.  He had always been a role model to the boy, even if the boy was jealous because his brother had a name and he did not.

 The boy was shown around the harvest, then shown all the duties that he was to perform.  He was sent to the training area to be shown the right way the chickens were to be prepared, since this was before the days of television, a troupe of actors performed the training scenarios, he was impressed, even if a little scared of the mime.  As he saw the villagers pile in for their feasts, he wondered what it was the brought those people back every day, he knew it was delicious, and he had never smelled anything so good since the cow harvest just down the road.  However, he knew those people had homes, and fire had been perfected to the point where most straw homes were not destroyed by fire pits, so wouldn't people be inclined to stay home and feast for themselves?

  As he sat there wondering, he noticed something, in the distance was a cloud of smoke, and not just one of the many blazes caused by the young Petrus the third, this was a different cloud, a cloud of dust, and suddenly it was upon them, the harvest was under attack.  As he looked around he saw these man knock over chairs and tables, throw utensils.  The serving wenches tried to run, but they can never run fast enough as they were knocked over in all the chaos. As he saw his co-harvesters  fight back, including his brother Robbieus throw two attackers into a nearby town single handed, he knew he had to join this fight, but he was stopped by a shrill scream, a hush fell over the fighting as a cloaked man emerged from the dust.

  " ALL YOUR CHICKENS NOW BELONG TO ME, I WILL CRUSH THEIR SPINES AND YOU WILL BE WEAKENED, YOU WILL ALL FALL TO ME.........THE DEBONER"

  Suddenly the sound of giggling replaced the silence, then the giggling turned into full on laughter, this man had underestimated the immaturity of these people, seeing the laughter his anger grew, and he ordered his minions to attack.  Quickly the boy looked around, grabbing the first thing he could see he picked up what appeared to be a spool of yarn, but it was no ordinary yarn, this was the string for tying the chickens, impenetrable by mere mortals, he spun the string, tying up whatever minions he could find, tying them across the chest and under the arms as the acting troupe had shown him, he was impressed at the knowledge he had retrained. He kicked and clawed his way to the Deboner(giggle) and throw the string to capture him, just then the Deboner(giggle) went limp and managed to crawl away, all the while screaming that they had not seen the last of him.

  As the dust settled, and the smoke from Petrus the third's latest oven fire cleared, the boy was met by all his co-harvesters and congratulated for his efforts in defending the harvest. They all stood around him and asked his name, when told that he never really been given a name, he just responded to Hey You, they all said in unison that it sounded too Asian, and he now had a new name........Hero.

 To Be Continued.

My interview with the Quidi Vidi Iceberg

This is what is left of the Iceberg that has taken Quidi Vidi by storm over the past two weeks.  It's imprssive size on top is nothing to it's size on the bottom, much like a soulful African American woman.  Pictures all over Facebook show flocks of people posing in front of the structure, some even climbing it and jumping off of it.  All this attention has led me to wonder, do all these people that go visit the iceberg care about how it feels about being gawked at all day long? Has anybody asked why it's here? did it get lost from his iceberg friends? or is it just on vacation? I awaited for all the photo hogs to clear out and asked Mr. iceberg for an interview (I just assume it was male, though the cold icy stare I first received reminded me of most looks I get from women) and he generously accepted.

MCC:  So....umm....Mr. Berg, can I call you Mr. Berg?

Berg:  Sure, yeah, go ahead it's all good.

MCC: Thanks, so what brings you to town?

Berg: Well I always heard Newfoundland was a beautiful province, and you are always killing those pesky seals that climb all over me and use me as a diving board, so I'm grateful for that.

MCC: So it's just coincidence that your here during the anniversary of the Titanic sinking? I mean your not here to recreate what happened with any of our ships today are you?

Berg: No offense but I've seen some of your fairy boats, a gust of wind could knock them over, there is no challenge there.

MCC: Ouch, take that Marine Atlantic, so have you seen James Cameron's Titanic? What are your thoughts?

Berg: I haven't seen it, it's hard to get television in the middle of the ocean, oh but a ship did run into me once and I think it was playing in the entertainment hall.

MCC: You didn't find the irony of that situation even just a little funny?

Berg: No I was mostly distracted by the terrified screams and rampant attempts to swim to shore.

MCC: Ummm makes sense I guess.....wow... well let's change the subject to a happier topic, are you happy about the popularity of Iceberg vodka? It's had to give you great exposure.

Berg: THAT VODKA IS MADE FROM MY COUSIN FRED...... I WATCHED YOUR PEOPLE HACK AND CHISEL HIM TO PIECES.....AND FOR WHAT......FOR YOUR DRINKS TO BE COLDER

MCC: I'm.....I'm sorry.....I didn't know......please stop crying

Berg: I'M NOT CRYING, I'M MELTING YOU IDIOT, IT'S LIKE 2O DEGREES HERE.

MCC: Mr. Berg please calm down, I didn't mean any dis.....

Berg: You people never mean any disrespect...you come down here all hours of the day snapping pictures, jumping all over me, your no worse then those seals, people should club you, especially the Mexcians.

MCC: Well sir.....wait....what?

Berg: YOU HEARD ME.

MCC: Well I guess this interview is over, do you have any final words for the people of St. John's?

Berg:  I just wanted to come here for a visit, I heard it was a peaceful place, and you have ruined it, I am literally beside myself because apparently you have never seen an iceberg before.  I just wanted to be left alone, but you fight for my attention like some teenage girl whose daddy doesn't love her enough, you should all be ashamed.

 MCC: There you have it folks, I guess it's true what they say about icebergs, there is a lot more going on underneath the surface, like seething anger with a touch of mild racism, Mr. Berg, before you drift away can I ask one favor?

Berg: What is it?

MCC: Well you see it's a warm day....and my Dr. Pepper has gotten warm.....do you mind if I just.....

Berg: *sigh* go ahead

MCC:  *chisels some ice* Thanks man, much better.