Unsolved Mysteries

 There are things in life that, as much as you try, you just cannot explain.  The Northern Lights, Stonehenge, the popularity of Jersey Shore, do aliens really exist?(a quick look at Michelle Bachman says yes, yes they do) are just some of the things that people have and will for centuries have no real answer too.  Yesterday on the worldwide MENSA meeting known as facebook a cousin of mine posted a video of people capturing disturbing noises from across the globe.  All these different places, yet the same ominous noise.  What could the noise be? Could it be the poles shifting, tectonic plates re-aligning, Oprah's stomach rumbling(that's my choice).  I for one think the video is fake because one of the people is listed as from the Czech Republic, and everyone knows they can't afford cameras there, so there ya go, one mystery explained.  So with this bigger mystery out of the way, I would just like to list some of the other things that I have wondered about for years, but have never been able to solve, any help you people can give me would be much appreciated.


  - Who keeps cobbling my shoes while I am asleep? And really in regards to that, who even cobbles shoes anymore anyway?  I mean if you met somebody and asked them "Hey, what do you do?" and they responded with "Oh, I'm a cobbler" how could you not respond with stifled laughter and respond "Oh really, Blueberry or Peach?"

-  If somebody stole his Scooby snacks, what would Scooby Doo?

- Everyone always talks about racial intolerance but how come no one focuses on Lactose Intolerance, cows have feelings too people, delicious feelings.

- Who ruined Saturday morning cartoons?

-  Why is it only me that can prevent forest fires? That is a lot of pressure, because of those commercials I was afraid to go into the woods till I was twenty.  Besides, how do we know two bears aren't in there not putting out their camp fires, or pouring flammable stuff to make the fire bigger.

- If onions make us cry, why do we keep going back to them? Is it because we think we can change them?

- If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, who will save us if we start to choke on it?

- They found Saddam Hussein, they found Osama Bin Laden, how come nobody knows where Emilio Estevez is?

- Why can't more people see what an amazing show Community is?

- What happened to you Brendan Frasier? you used to be so cool.

  -Dude, Where's my car?..............Did anyone actually watch that movie?

So there ya go, I tried to recruit Robert Stack to help me solve these mysteries but he's being a jerk and not returning my calls, so I may have to go through life never finding out the answers to these questions. Thanks a lot Robert Stack, your dead to me now.