A lifetime of causing malice and harm to innocent chickens makes one lose his grip on reality
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
The chicken hero saga 15: The Book of Faces
As the hero lay bound on the table he had a feeling like he never had before, impending doom. Would this be the untimely end of the hero? He had so much left to do, he had to finish that puzzle he was working on, he had to finish that loaf of bread before it got moldy, he hated when that happened. The hero fought relentlessly to free himself but as he looked up he knew it was too late, the giant chicken was swinging his cleaver and now it was the hero's turn to be quartered. Just as the knife was about to hit him he awoke in a cold sweat, it was all just a dream, it was always just a dream. Fully awake now and since it was morning the hero arose, he lit a fire to warm some bread, but it was too late, the mold had started to spread, he saw red at the site of the green and tossed the remaining loaf into the fire, he needed a walk to calm himself down. There seemed to be a lot of people out this morning, lining the village roads, but they didn't seem to be doing anything, they all had books in their hands and were staring at them.
As the hero walked along the road to find out what was happening the villagers started screaming out the weirdest things as they flipped through the pages.
"I like this" one person screamed
"Why would anybody draw a picture of that poor animal being hurt, I'm seriously considering never looking at this book again until this stops."
Just then the villagers looked up at the hero and surrounded him, asking if they could be his friend.
"But I thought I was your friend already" the hero remarked.
"It doesn't count unless it shows it in the Book of Faces"
"BOOK OF FACES......BOOK OF FACES.....BOOK OF FACES" the mob shouted.
The hero had never heard tell of this Book of Faces before, he had not seen anything like what had come over the townspeople, those that were once hardworking industrious people now spent their time scrolling through this book commenting on whatever they saw. As he walked through the mob of people he heard more people shout.
"I wish I could like this a thousand times over" shouted one villager.
" No no no I do not like this at all but there is no way I can not like, the ability is not there." shouted another.
The hero was becoming concerned, he had not seen the villagers so spellbound since the time the harvest started giving out balls of chocolate with their meals at the end of every year. Surely this was the work of some kind of sorcerer, the black arts had to be at work somehow. As he neared the harvest, he heard more shouting but the people weren't making sense.
"Of course this happens to me......ugh"
" What happened to you? Can I be of assistance?" the hero questioned
" I don't want to talk about it" the villager responded
The hero questioned why people started talking so vaguely, it had to be the book, whatever this book was nothing good was coming from it. He arrived at the harvest thinking he would be safe from the lunacy that was occurring outside, but as he looked around the strangeness continued. All around the serving wenches and kitchen guys were crushing little candies, trying to line them up in a pattern and then destroying them. From all over the harvest they shouted at him.
"Come crush these candies with us" they said inviting him to come play.
"Help me crush these candies, I am dying and need a life"
"Do you require medical attention?" the hero asked confusedly
The hero knew he had to do something, he had to find who was responsible, on the way out of the harvest he was stopped by Bogeyus, man of literature and numbers.
"Be my friend hero" they had even gotten to Bogeyus, was nobody safe?
As he scanned the city looking for anything suspicious, well more suspicious then how the villagers were acting he came across a little boy on the road, the boy was covering his mouth coughing, and look sickly white.
"What is the matter little child?"
" Mr. Hero I have the plague, the doctor has the cure but told me he needs to get likes from all the villagers before he will give me the potion, my mom and dad are gone asking the people to like him."
The insanity knew no bounds, just then the town judge came riding along on his wagon, the hero approached him hurriedly.
"Your honor, there is a doctor who will not operate on people unless the people like him, you have to stop this."
"I'm sorry hero new laws make this perfectly legal, if you read this parchment it says so right here under the part where it says couples are not legally together unless it is enacted and made official in the Book of Faces."
Before he could ask who created this book the judge was gone. The hero looked around, all over there were people having arguments over the stupidest things, people were drawing pictures of their food, a group of girls were taking pictures of themselves resembling a duck for some reason. He had to put an end to this madness, approaching a villager he had an idea.
"I need to borrow your book of faces" he wrote on the pad, creator of the Book of Faces and the name of the sorcerer magically appeared, Zuckerus.
"How did you find him so fast?" the villager questioned.
"Well if you look closely it shows you that over time The Book of Faces can track your location and all your vital information."
"WHAT, they can't do that, they are spying on us, I'm going to run and tell everybody."
Now that he knew who he was looking for, and just where he was the hero set out to find Zuckerus the evil sorcerer. As he approached the ivory tower he expected something a little darker for such a purveyor of evil and deceit. As he moved forward a voice boomed.
"You think you can stop my Book of Faces, I have millions of people all over the world in my army and if I fall they will unleash havoc upon you."
"Book of Faces, more like Book of Feces" he was disappointed that no one was around to hear that line.
"Come out Zuckerus, show yourself to me, I just want to be friends"
Suddenly Zuckerus appeared, wasting no time the hero let fly his trusty chicken string, but Zuckerus disappeared in a flash.
"You think I didn't know you were coming, I have messengers everywhere" Just then Zuckerus appeared again levelling the hero and knocking him over.
As the hero started to get up there was noise off in the distance and huge cloud of dust, thousands of people were marching towards them.
"Look it's my army, all my Book of Faces users come to watch me end you"
The look on the face of Zuckerus changed when the angry mob surrounded him and started to stomp him.
"This is for invading my privacy" one screamed
"This is for nobody liking what I say" screamed another
"This is for my food getting cold cause I have to draw a picture of it to show everyone" screamed another."
The hero stood and walked away from the chaos as the mob continued to attack. As he headed home he saw a bird in a tree, there was something menacing about that bird, but he couldn't put his finger on it, he didn't know why but the sounds the bird made ran shivers up his spine.
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