Paint by the numbers

   First off I want to start off by apologizing to the two or so(that includes my proofreading) readers of my blog for the lack of updates, sometimes life just gets in the way, not mine really, I'm sure others have lives, I'm just really lazy outside of work. Today I had to dust off the old corner of the Internet when a juicy news story came over the wire, yes that's how long it's been since I've updated anything on here, I still use a wire, I was going to upgrade to an email but there are two reasons why I did not do this. Firstly, the email chunkylover53@aol.com was already taken by some guy in Springfield and the second was that somebody warned me there was a lot of spam, and spam is terrible, I don't even think it's real meat, and all compacted in that hard to open little can. Recently on the radio I heard a commercial for a summer camp run by the local paintball organization Frontline, at first listen I thought that's a great idea, round all the hoodlums up and and fire them off in the woods somewhere. However, upon further investigation what was revealed was not a fun, educational camp but a building ground for a future bloodthirsty militia.
   I decided to try and go undercover into their secret training ground, which was an educational experience in itself, did you know if you go into a clothing store and tell them "I need to get into some boys pants" they will look at you funny and call the police, I do now. With the first attempt a terrible failure I decided to try an sneak a kid in there, some would say I probably should have asked his parents first, but there was no time, I had to get the scoop before anyone else, and hey the picture they put up in his "have you seen this child?" poster looks good, he looks really happy, they should be proud of the little family they have. With little Stevie(he told me his real name but really there was no time for paying attention) firmly enrolled in the camp I asked this ten year old boy if he knew how to use a phone so he could call me with the info, as it turns out not only could he use a phone but he upgraded my iPhone to get the best wifi reception possible.
  As the days went on I began to worry about little Stevie, I knew he would make it back to his family (although those news stories and commercials were bothersome to the whole under cover expose I had established) but it was days since I heard from him first, so I decided to try and sneak in to get a word with him, shutting off my words with friends(thanks for downloading that game Stevie) and set off to see what I could see. Sneaking along a chain link fence I could not believe what I saw, I did not see boys enjoying their youth and having fun, I saw little machines marching back and fourth spouting cadences. As I watched on in horror I suddenly laid eyes on Stevie, catching his attention I got him to come over, and he had changed, his eyes once filled with joy and wonder were now cold steel, his hair now shaved bald along with the rest of the kids, and worst of all his name wasn't even Stevie anymore, he was now known as Ravager, what had I done? I swore to him I was going to bust him out, I just wish I hadn't spent the ransom money already, I could have paid for the rest of camp and got him out, but all of a sudden that wasn't my biggest problem, I was surrounded by a bunch of little death machines, and suddenly I was taken captive.
  I awoke several hours later in a daze, and was mortified by what I had seen, all around me kids were taking target practice, or climbing trees with frightening agility. One kid was gutting and skinning a bear, A BEAR, that I legitimately think he killed himself, looking around I saw other kids in bamboo cages, there's not even bamboo in this province, when I asked one little boy about the prisoner kids, his just looked at me with a blank expression and stated coldly
  "They drew first paint, not me"
  As I tried to get more answers out of him a man approached, obviously the leader of the camp and man in charge. I asked him how he could do this to these innocent little kids, and he simply stated two words.
  "Red Dawn"
  Apparently this man watched movies, and was especially affected by the 1980's movie where America was invaded and a group of brave, hungry teenagers led by Patrick Swayze defended themselves against the threat. The man said he saw that movie and swore to never let it happen to Canada so he formed a secret training ground where kids could become super soldiers. I knew I had to do something, I had to escape, I screamed at him that he couldn't hold me and that I would escape to alert everyone as to what was going on here, and tell everyone what an inhuman monster he was. The man just smiled at me, and said I was free to go, that in fact it was merely a training exercise, and then gave me a one hundred dollar coupon to their paintball field.......................... I mean I guess he's not that bad, someone has to teach these kids discipline right, look at little Stevie's parents, they let him go off with a complete stranger, some people I tell you.