The convoluted backstory of El Franco Magnifico

   El Franco Magnifico was born into hard times.  His birth was a typical Mexican affair, upon his arrival into this world he was immediately wrapped in a warm blanket and a luchador mask.  He was born to loving parents, father Pepe, and mother Salte, he was the youngest in his family. Now being the youngest child certainly has its advantages, but when you are the youngest of 17 kids you tend to get lost in the shuffle.  As the 17 kids suggests, Salte and Pepe loved each other dearly from the moment they met, it was a quick courtship before the birth of their first child Juan, then along came the second child Two.  As the years passed more kids filled up the rapidly cramped home, there was Jose and JosB, Rosita, Margarita, Pablo, Marco................Polo, Debbie, their 11th child Juan Juan, Hernando, Fernando, Consuela, Dora, Hugo, and then there was little Franco.  Franco always joked that they saved the best for last and that is why they never had any kids after him, he would learn years later it was because Pepe and gotten an instant vasectomy at the hands, or should I say hind legs, of a disgruntled donkey.

  Space was limited in the tiny home, but Salte and Pepe made sure that all their kids had places to sleep, with all the beds and floor taken it was a struggle to find a spot for little Franco, but then a light bulb went off over the head of Pepe. While changing the light bulb Pepe noticed an old pinata was hanging over the ceiling, this was it, this was where Franco would sleep, Franco would later credit all the times being woken to his siblings beating him with sticks in hope for candy as a leading factor in his toughness. It was hard to form attachments to the rest of his siblings, maybe it was because the whole family wore masks, or maybe it was his Mexican nature to not want to work hard enough to introduce himself to everyone, he just found himself different from the others. He loved his parents, good hard working people, his father was a discount sombrero and poncho salesman, his scream of OHHHH PONCHO became so famous a foreign man used it as part of a television show, but Pepe never saw any money from it.

  Franco could tell times were hard so he didn't mind having to wear hand me down clothes or playing with hand me down toys (just don't give him no hand me down world, he had one already). He pretended to be surprised every Christmas when he received a "new" toy, the same "new" toy he had seen his brother's Jose and JosB playing with the week previous. He also received many new hats, although usually the hat he got for Christmas was too big, I mean it was nice but his sombrero was too big, leading to a scary stint in the hospital after receiving pneumonia when he fell three times in a river.  Falling in the river not only made him sick, it also lead to a fear of water, which was a detriment to his father Pepe's plan to take his family and leave Mexico to enter the United States. Obviously they did not have the money to buy every seat on the plane so Pepe and the older boys spent all their spare time building a house raft to try and take them to the promise land.

  Franco was opposed to the travel, he liked his life and his house, well the part of the house that wasn't used to build the raft. Franco would later credit having to jump up the stairs because certain steps were now part of the raft as a factor in his strong leaping ability. He often asked his papa Pepe why they had to leave, and Pepe would explain to him how America was a wonderful place, people there loved oranges, they even welcomed you by shooting in the guns in the air and yelling in celebration.  Franco was unsure but he could swore he often heard his papa mumble something about finding the makers of a television show and killing them, but he could never be certain. After weeks of anticipation the big day came and the family arrived to the river which would take them to their new life, all except Franco who froze on the shore, remembering the time he froze in the river. Despite the screams of his mother and father and siblings Franco did not sail that day, he ran, and he kept running as far from the river as he could, back to his home, back into his pinata bed, and with no sticks to beat him he slept for a day and half.

 Franco wondered what his next step in life would be, he was young and had to fend for himself.  How would he support himself? Maybe he could be a magician, like most Mexicans he was good at making things disappear, not just wallets, but actual magic trick like things.  While walking the streets of the local town one night he saw a group of kids running towards him, getting ready to flee but seeing no Police around he wondered what the commotion could be, it was then he saw the kids surrounding a hulk of a man, his muscles had muscles and the shiny belt around his waist was very cool.  He went up to the man and asked him who he had stolen that belt off, to which the man replied "Mil Mascaras, he wants a rematch but he will lose that too." It was then Franco figured it that he was a luchador, a Mexican wrestler, and suddenly he knew what his calling was.

 Franco knew what he wanted, and he started to train, he wanted muscles on top of muscles and he wanted that shiny belt, after weeks of pushing himself to the limit(and standing on the razor's edge) he knew he was ready.  He had the look, he had the mask, all he needed was a name, it needed to be flashy, it need to be catchy, it needed be quick cause his first match was in 5 minutes, just then a fellow luchador complimented his mask, saying it was magnificent, and then a light bulb went off over his head, he quickly changed the bulb and thus El Franco Magnifico was born.  After winning his first match, a hard fought battle, he couldn't help but wonder how his family was doing, he had hoped they were doing as well as he was.  As the months went by he wrestled as often as he could, steadily climbing the ranks until it was time for the big match, against the man he had met months prior, the man who inspired him to become a luchador.

 He trained harder then he ever had before, when he got to the arena he was ready, he was confident, he was.............scared, for he was not prepared for what he saw when he got there.  The ring was surrounded by a swimming pool, it turns out the champ had discovered his fear and asked for the ring to be placed over the water.  The roar of the raucous crowd was drowned out by the knocking of his knees, he was frozen in the corner like he was almost frozen years ago, and as the bell rang the champ took advantage. Most of the match was a brutal one sided affair, everyone in the crowd was concerned, not for the fact that a middle aged man beating up a kid who was no more then 15 was illegal but because they weren't getting their money's worth. They started to boo, and his and throw things. El Franco Magnifico knew he was in trouble, he looked at the crowd, expecting to be hit with another projectile, but what he was hit with was the image of his sainted mother and father.

   They had come to watch his big match, after seeing this he blocked everything out and fought back.  He beat the champion from pillar to post, staggering him and finally knocking the hulking beast of a man down.  With his opponent weakened he climbed the top rope and jumped like he had never jumped before, falling as fast as he did when his siblings busted open his pinata bed he crashed onto his opponent and became the new Mexican heavyweight championship.  Caught up in his celebration and the admiration of the fans he fell into the water, but the fear was gone, and he swam, and he swam some more until he reached his parents, his father gave him that big familiar smile and placed a new sombrero on his head, it was still too big but he did not care.

 El Franco would go on to have a storied career, he was idolized by kids everywhere and statues were built in his honor, he retired into a secluded life and has not been heard from since, legend has it he was the voice of the Taco Bell dog but it was never confirmed. He kept in touch with his family when he could, and was there when they needed help,such as his sister Consuela the maid who had a lemon pledge addiction. His sister Dora would later become an explorer, his brother Hugo would win the lottery but leave on a trip to Australia and never be heard from for years, muttering on and on about some island. His mother and father would design their own line of spice dispensers, and even long after their death Salte and Pepe would be on the tables of people all over the world.

  ***No Mexicans were harmed in the making of this story............a lot were offended, but none were harmed****