Random Stuff

No matter where I go, or who I talk too, they always ask me the same question, and my answer is always the same, no I can't change my face, I was born like this, now go suck a lemon, yes ocassionally I like to talk like a 1940's gang member. Actually they ask me how I come up with the stuff that I come up, and I like to think it's because the world in my head is a lot more interesting then my actual life. Overall I'm a pretty boring person, I get up, I go to work, I chase kids away from my house with a stick, you know the normal things, and other then that not much happens in my life to discuss. Every so often my mental system shuts down and I have trouble putting anything on here, so today I'm just gonna discuss some recent activities that have gone on around me.

This past week has been an enjoyable one as my dad is gracing me with his presence. Triva: did you know there are at least 28,000 curse words in the English language? Well apparently there are and this week I've heard them all. Watching my dad and his dog interact would make a hell of a sitcom as the comedy is endless. It has been said, and I think I've said it on here before that my dad could curse for a half hour without repeating himself but don't be fooled, unlike the visitors on the ABC show V, my dad really is of peace, always. I don't get to spend much time with him anymore so having him here has been a nice treat. With dad comes his dog Tocc, our lovable irish setter who is one of the funniest and cutest dogs I've ever seen, sure I'm not getting much sleep in the morning as she wakes me up every hour, but it's nice being woken up by a girl who won't talk back(reason 212 why I'm single).

A strange thing has happened to me recently as last week someone stole an hour from me, it was there when I went to bed but when I woke it was gone. I don't know how the time thieves got in my house but they must have drugged me as I woke up a lot more tired then usual. Reading my brother's blog made me see that it was some guy from New Zealand who stole my hour, but really why would he want it, and unlike my brother I don't care how good the Lord of the Rings movies were New Zealand can cram it with walnuts cause nobody, but nobody steals time from me and gets away with it. I feel for my family members who have kids and have a big disadvantage in the battle to get thier kids to bed on time, I was lucky, I managed to get my sleep back, I just watched CBC nightly programming, slept like a baby.

In enterainment and sports news Corey Haim was laid the rest this week in Toronto, the city has moved on and is now planning funeral services for the playoff birth of the Toronto Raptors. Tiger Woods made a statement announcing he was returning to golf in April at the Masters, he concluded his statement by asking "Where are all the white women at?" If you have been following his show on Spike tv, it appears Jesse James really is a dead man. James, knowing that he married a much better looking person then him, apologized profusely to Sandra Bullock, but when you get someone who is out of your league the first time it's hard to get them back. Look at Lance Armstrong, I bet when he saw Sheryl Crow he was like "Man I'd cut off a testicle to be with her" and he did, and he fooled it up and look where it got him; truly, the ball is still in her court.

So that's what's going on around here, Monday begins the countdown to the holiest day of the year.......Wrestlemania. What? did you think I was talking about Easter Sunday? I've seen Jesus Christ Superstar(best rock opera ever btw) so I know how that story ends, but I really can't tell who's winning between Undertaker and Shawn Micheals. Sure Easter is gonna have a good Friday, but next week is gonna be an awesome Sunday.

Walmart is Rolling Back......on African Americans

Hey Everyone, it's me again, I haven't been around lately as I've been suffering from a bit of writer's blog...ck, and also I've been broken up about the death of Cory Haim. Oh Corey, you were a beacon of light in a dark world, one that burned out too bright, you stole our hearts in such movies as the Goonies and ..........wait what, that was Corey Feldman, then who the hell was Corey Haim.....what's that you say..... License to Drive....that movie sucked, no wonder he never worked again. Well now I'm gonna have to take down my Corey Feldman shrine since I'm mistaken, then again it is a shrine to all his awesome movies so it's not taking up that much space, so I guess there's no harm done.

While surfing the fountain of information that is known as the internetz I stumbled across an article that surprised and shocked me. At at Walmart in Wasthington Township in Southern New Jersey this past Sunday, shoppers were shocked and appalled when a voice came on the speaker and said "Attention Walmart customers, all black people leave, leave the store now." What shocks me and surprises me is that I'm not really surpised that someone would do this, as yes sadly people like this do still exist. The article reports that a manager quickly jumped on the intercom to smooth out the situation, saying that all African American patrons were more then welcome to stay but asked that they moved quietly to the back of the store, ok I added that last part.

As one can imagine criticism was quick and harsh, with many shoppers voicing their displeasure that such a message should be heard, one woman a Mrs Helen Lovejoy was heard to scream "WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN." One (real) customer and her friend who were shopping at the time said they are going to boycott the store until the matter was resolved to their liking, I can't see this being a great protest as that's exactly what the voice asked them to do, but hey we can't all be Rosa Parks I guess. Personally if I was them I'd take it one step further and leave New Jersey altogether. Of course if I lived in New Jersey I'd take any excuse to get out of there. I can only assume that the African American community is up in arms over this story. Somewhere Al Sharpton had a stroke, recovered, spent hours fixing his hair, then had a stroke again. Reporters were horrifed at Oprah's reaction, as when she was approached for comment she was found eating mass quantities of food. When asked if the binge was a reaction to the story, Oprah looked puzzled and asked "what story?"

According to the article this is not the first time Walmart has suffered from racial tensions. A few years back they settled a lawsuit with a man who was upset over their hiring policies for truck drivers. When approached for comment, one of the CEO's of Walmart said the man was offered a job picking all the cotton out of the medicine capsule bottles, he also went on to say that he probably shouldn't have said that. They also got into trouble for allegedly passing over women for men in regards to raises and promotions on a number of occasions, this lawsuit was settled out of court as the women were given gift cards and shopping sprees and told how nice they looked that day, turns out all they needed was some attention.

The African American communtiy has made great strides throughout the years, but there are people in the world who are still stuck back in the old days, and sadly this is not gonna change anytime soon. Martin Luther King jr, Barack Obama, Aunt Jemima, the Cream of Wheat guy, these are just some of the many pioneers that this great community has given us. The person I feel really bad for is President Obama, the man rises up, becomes the first African American American president, then is universally criticized for his healthcare reform, and now is not even allowed in Walmart, for every step forward there is truly two steps back.

To the person to got on the speaker and gave that message I say grow up, and get with the times, it's the Muslims who are the evil ones now remember, I mean I don't think they are evil, I like the Muslim people, oh god if any American politicians are reading this I'm gonna get myself bombed. Lord knows I don't want to cause an incident between our two countries, after allwho would operate on our premier then.?

And the award goes too.......

Before I start I wanna make a correction to my last post, where I said it was a guy who made the Hurt Locker, turns out it was a woman, hmmm who knew, I guess I should've watched the movie. Women directors...what's next, giving them the right to vote(reason #97, article 2 of why I'm still single). With that out of the way I wanted to give my thoughts on the Oscars that occurred this past Sunday night. Since I have the attention span of a hummingbird it is hard to for me to sit through me things like this unless it's wrestling or mma where people are hurting each other for my entertainment, the only awards shows I can find like that are the Soul Train or BET awards. However I did make it through all of Titanic, but that's only because there was promise of Kate Winslet's boobs, I hoped there was going to be a repeat when she came out to present an award, but alas, the only boobs I saw were some of the people who accepted the awards.

There were some real surprising moments during the ceremony, I really thought Barbara Striesand got robbed for best special effects because how she talked without moving her face blew me away more then anything James Cameron did in Avatar. Another person that surprised me was Miley Cyrus, not only is she freakishly tall, but at what point did she start to sound like the Mike Myer's old Jewish woman character from Saturday Night Live, she was even verclempt and everything. I thought the In Memorium was thoughtful, and accurate, as I had forgotten Farah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, and Ricardo Montalban had died too. There is a lot of fuss over this, Roger Ebert just got his voice back and now the Academy has gone and left him speechless again. For some reason Micheal Jackson was included in there, but yet no love for Billy Mays, the Oxy-clean man, I bet all the clothes worn there that night had been oxy-cleaned at some point, it's only fitting they remember him.

As usual there were a few movies nominated that I hadn't heard of, everyone seemed to rave about the movie Precious and the lead actress Gaborey Cinnabun.....er Sidibe, and rightfully so cause I think she would have eaten them. I know I know, obesity is a major problem these days, and I'm not the smallest person in the world but I was totally expecting her to have a big old turkey leg in her mouth when they randomly cut to her, I mean honestly when they first showed her my first thought was to scream "OH CRAP, they got Jabba the Hut", no jabba de jabba osssscarrrrr. One thing that does stay the same every year is Ben Stiller's pathetic attempt to be funny, this year centered around Avatar. Everyone seemed to think he was blue because he was an Avatar, I just figured he was blue because he was trying to hard, better luck next year Bennie

So to end I just wanna say congratulations to all the winners, not just because you won but you managed to sit through that entire ceremony, hell I should have gotten an Oscar for it. Congratulations to Sandra Bullock for winning cause she has a convincing accent, congratulations to Jeff Daniels, just don't get a hold of Woody Harrelson's stash before you accept an award, wait who am I kiddin, that was totally his. It's a good thing there is no dope testing at the ceremonies is all I'm saying, I joke of course, I'm sure all the celebrities are clean, as a matter of fact I think the only dope I spotted was Colin Farrell, although too much exposure to him is harmful to your health, with side effects including raised levels of douchebagedness. And to James Cameron, sucks to be you man, 1o years of your life on your dream project, the highest grossing movie of all time, which beat out one of your own movies, only to see your oscar dreams ravished like a post oscar buffet in front of that Precious girl. However, you shouldn't worry James, you may have lost to your ex-wife, but you know where she lives, just pee in her air vent while she's out of the house, that'll teach her to bust yer tomaters.

I toiled not on the Sabbath, and it was sweet

Today was a rare Sunday off for me, this day of rest made me feel a little like Jesus, only I turned water into tea, and nobody worships me........yet. There was a bit of a scare to start the day as I recieved a call from work, but today I decided I was not going to answer the phone, they later called back to and told me to ignore the message they left on my phone and that they didn't need me after all. Unfortunately for them I don't know how to check my voicemail(Duncan you are still trapped in my phone, one day I will free you) so with that scare out of the way, I faced the day and eagerly awaited my trip to the Smitty's breakfast buffet.

Now I don't know what evil being came up with the idea of a buffet, what kind of sadist says to a man "here, come eat, you can have all the pig you want." For the most part these days I deprive myself of bacon, so as you can imagine I hit that buffet harder then a tornado on a trailer park. The food didn't know what do it when it saw me approaching, the eggs scrambled, the French toast surrendered cause it's French, the Canadian bacon stayed behind and tried to keep the peace, but it was all futile, as one by one they fell. Honestly, I didn't eat that much, well by buffet standards anyway, but what I had was pretty good, it beats my usual breakfast of a Cheerios and a banana, a meal that's duller then my social life.

After hitting a Tim Horton's for a caffinated beverage(as a side note, up yours Roll in the Rim) and driving around a bit, the sidekick and I decided to go see a movie, cause on a non NFL season Sunday what else is there to do. The movie we saw was Cop Out, starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan, and directed by Kevin Smith. I have to say that while Kevin Smith may not be able to take off these days, the comedy in this movie does, maybe it's because I have a weird and stupid sense of humor but I laughed very hard at this movie. There is something about an 11 year old getting hit in the crotch that just makes my eyes water for some reason, and I'm a sucker for Tracy Morgan since his days on SNL as Brian Fellows. It's nice to see that Bruce Willis has a sense of humor, I mean if I were married to Demi Moore(and it happen will someday as soon as I find the right DNA codes from that lock of hair) and I was replaced by Ashton Kutcher, I'd probably feel like kissing the end of a rifle. However I'm pretty sure Willis could beat the daylights out of Kutcher so he's probably just picking his spot.

As what the rest of this evening will bring, who knows, as I look through the tv guide I see there is an episode of Celebrity Rehab on, with guest host Alec Baldwin.......oh wait I'm sorry that's the Oscars. While on the subject on the Oscars here are some of my predictions. I predict a male will win for best actor, and a woman for best actress, it will be boring, and Ben Stiller will be in some horrible skit. I think if they wanna make the Oscars more current, there is only thing they should do, decide the big awards by putting them in the octagon, UFC style. If James Cameron wants best picture for Avatar, he should have to earn it, who cares if he worked on it for ten years, if he can't beat the guy who made the Hurt Locker(a good MMA nickname btw) then he shouldn't be able to accept it.

The Digital Age

Wednesday was a bittersweet day in the apartment, as we said goodbye to the trusty(well trusty if the weather was nice) satellite and switched to digital cable. Not only did I say goodbye to the satellite but I said goodbye to the outside world and personal hygiene as well, as with cable comes the WWE on demand channel, so I have prepared my rag on a stick, I have my huge chocolate muffins, and the next time those close to me see me it will be on the news as they cut the side of my apartment to get my morbidly obese frame to the hospital. I awoke early Wednesday morning to prepare for the arrival of the cable guy, he should feel special because I actually cleaned the apartment, and I still have no idea how that racoon got in the kitchen, or how long he'd been there for that matter.

At 9:45 I got the call I looked forward too, he was approaching, the conveyer of cable, the deity of digital. Not long after he arrived and began his setup process, I noticed that the air had changed, our cable guy had a certain musk to him, I can only describe it as a combination of cigarettes and shame. Jeff's cable was ready first, as he has the standard box for his television in his room, I had to wait a little longer because I got the high definition box, and wow is HD ever pretty. That is, until you see Bob McKenzie's freakishly large head on TSN, truly a scary sight, but not near as scary as what I came upon next. While surfing through my selection of HD channels I landed on CNN, and my memory gets foggy here as Nancy Grace was on and reports were they could hear my screams from down the road, I mean standard definition Nancy Grace looks like something from a George A. Romero movie, HD Nancy Grace actually turned me to stone for several minutes.

One thing I've noticed is that while there are a lot of channels, it is a lot of the same channels over again, I have three A&E's, that is a lot of David Caruso folks, I guess I........ *removes shades* better change my channel*puts on shades* yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. As I had envisioned, I didn't get to do much channel surfing on the first day as I saw a Von Erich on WWE on demand and I had to watch, and I was hooked after that, I later watched WCW, I haven't watched that many old people fight since my last family reunion. When I did channel surf I noticed a lot of channels I had missed that I didn't have on satellite, some good syndication programs, and as mentioned above A&E. Has there anybody that has ever hosted a show on that channel that wasn't Bill Curtis, now he's awesome and all, but dude is old and he's gotta be getting tired, and what happens when he dies, perhaps robot Bill Curtis maybe. I do love A&E though, even if with all the reality shows it's had more B and C list celebrities on it then Paris Hilton.

Like everything else I'm sure digital cable will have it's advantages and disadvantages. At least I can count on it not to abandon me in a storm. Even though I'm probably gonna get carpel tunnel syndrome using the remote, it seriously takes like half an hour to go through all the channels, just to find out I wanted to watch Family Guy that was on like channel seven or something. Time will tell how me and my cable will co-exist, I'm fairly easy to please, as long as it doesn't mess with my pay-per-views and gives me some quality entertainment it won't have a problem. I really don't think I will be getting rid of it anytime soon though, as really the only alternative I have is having Jeff act out my favorite tv shows, and while his interpretive dance is a surprise hit at parties, his acting is Coronation Street level at best.

How my recent computer troubles are just like Lost

Today marked an important day in the apartment as the changeover from satellite to digital cable was complete. I will discuss this more in the coming days as I have yet to figure it all out(haven't got passed WWE 24/7 yet) as today I got called into work on my day off and couldn't get to explore anymore. My brother felt bad for calling me in but he knows I have the work ethic of an asian hooker, I won't stop till I get paid, and that I didn't mind coming in. Despite the new technology it is my older technology that is taking front and center as the old computer has been acting up these past few days. In the search to try and fix it I have come to the conclusion that my recent troubles have a lot in common with my favorite show Lost, so if your not a fan of Lost you may have no idea what I'm talking about, but if your a fan of Lost......well you will probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

My computer like the pre-island 815 passengers has lived a normal life, it has it's ups and downs but normally runs quite smoothly. That is until one faithful day there was a crash, it was unexpected, and everything around it was in shambles. As the computer looked around for any programs it could find to help it survive, all it got was a huge smoke screen, which up to this point it is rather ambigious if the smoke(y) screen is evil or not. Sometime after the crash it was discovered that there was a mysterious illness or virus if you will, that was affecting programs and making them go crazy, messing with the head of the computer and making it do things that it wouldn't have done before. The comparison got really freaky when I saw what appeared to my dad standing across the room, but on closer inspection it was just a picture.

Another similarity of both is that they both have the presence of a big giant foot. In Lost the giant foot is home to the mysterious Jacob, whereas in the life of my computer, the big giant foot was my size 11 that it almost got when it wouldn't obey my orders and work properly. At least in the world of my computer it would know where the foot came from and exactly what purpose it served. Having no further options(yelling at it was providing no answers) I went into the system recovery, and did a system restore, thereby matching the Lost survivors in the ability to time travel. My computer has leapt back to December of last year, with only vague memories of the events that took place.

I guess the big way that my computer situation is similar to Lost is that as of right now I have more questions than answers, I still have no idea what's going on for the most part, and I'm probably not gonna like how it ends. In all honesty I'm gonna enjoy how Lost ends, I'll be happy as long as they at least try and answer most stuff. I'm also probably gonna enjoy how the computer situation ends, because it will probably end up with me getting a new computer, and taking some form of ammunition to the old one. The computer seems to be fine for now anyway, there is a mysterious information not found window that pops up, but with the press of a button the world(of my computer) is safe again.

If your not a fan of Lost, your not gonna have any idea what I'm talking about, but let it be said that my sanctuary is not a place for needing to know what your talking about. Trust me when I say that trying to find answers to this situation is exhausting, now I know how Mariah Carey feels when she tries act sane, or how Ellen Degeneres feels when she keeps trying not to stare at the female contestants on American Idol. Don't worry everyone, I didn't have to "assume" she was gay, she came out years ago, so that was a telltale sign. With only eight more hours left until we get to the end of Lost I'm hoping I have more time then that with the computer, because then you people wouldn't get my non-sensical ramblings(who out there said yay) and with that comes the last comparison, as it's been a long day and I'm quite tired so I'm about to get Lost.

Olympics come to an end, Sports Networks not ready to move on

The end of the Olympics was a fitting celebration to a great two weeks for Canada. Sure, things may have started out rough, things got a little off track when ummmm that Georgian luger went off track, but by the time our medals started piling in we forgot all about him. Canada did not finish first in the medal standings like officials were hoping but we set a record for most gold medals and despite a few minor heart attacks we got our gold in hockey, so I guess we as a nation should be happy. Now that the Olympics are over, people will go back to their everyday lives, but this is not so easy for some people as there have been reports that the two major sports networks, TSN and Sportsnet are now in a state of panic. It seems that with the all day every day coverage of the Olympics they have forgotten how to show other sports, and they are not ready to let go of the Olympics.

Production meetings turned to shouting matches when both networks tried to figure out what programs to show, one broadcaster was reported as saying "Basketball, is that the sport with the little net and the round ball they have to keep bouncing, they don't wear skates, I can't call that." Further disturbing evidence that the networks were not ready to move on came from an intern from one of the networks that would like to remain nameless. "Well there was a bunch of us, we were working, getting coffee and what not and the next thing we know we are being told to strap on these snowboards and ride down the stairs.........and they just stood there......and they made us do it........and they just........oh good *weeps* ......they just wouldn't stop commentating." The source went on to say that despite feeling a little happy he won the office gold medal, the mental scars would stay with him for a long time.

The weirdness does not end there as it seems both Sportsnet and TSN had trouble getting their reporters out of Vancouver. When the plane landed to pick up Micheal Landsberg, he tried to run screaming "NOT YET, I'VE ALMOST GOT JENNIFER HEDGER'S PHONE NUMBER, YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME." When he was found at Whistler something strange had happened to Sportsnet broadcaster Jaime Campbell, as all he kept repeating was his name, his address, and kept repeating the words "this great country" over and over again. However, the award for most awkward has to go to Darrent Dutysher......Dutsychine.......whatever that's a terrible last name to spell....of TSN. He was chased all throughout Robson Square proclaiming he wasn't ready to go back yet, when he was finally subdued, he suffered a breakdown and as he was being dragged away started singing the I believe song at the top of his lungs. The only one who seemed to take it well as Brian Williams, as he was escortedly easily to his tomb, where he shall rest until the next Olympic games.

As of this moment both networks are not sure how to handle this strange situation. As I look at both networks this morning TSN has Sportscentre on in a continuous loop, the same for Sportsnet with their Connected program, so I guess nothing has been figured out yet. It is no doubt a hard time to adjust for the networks, going back to the regular mundane sports, where nobody has to be fast, or gets to shoot on skis. However there is a light at the end of the tunnel as Wednesday is trade deadline day in Hockey, the reporters just get to sit around and talk, and I'm sure they fill the dead spaces with talk about how dreamy Crosby is and how they want to have his babies after he scored the goal.......Gretzky who.